How do I express my disgust with life? Time for some whining... I just don't understand it. How can such evil be allowed to happen in life? Life is in essence not fair, and that is an accepted fact, but why is it so? Nothing is even and disappointment reigns supreme. I want until I have, then I am dissatisfied. I eat because I hunger, then I eat more because I desire. I am, not because I chose to be, but was forced to become. It's a fascinating conundrum. If you are the religious sort, I apologize for my offense, but continue with it none the less. How is it that we are made to be who we are, with our individual qualities and faults, even our reactions to stimuli a foregone conclusion, then we are placed in an environment where we are subjected to trials, the results of which are known before the tests occur, then we are judged for them. The deck is not just stacked against us, it is stacked in such a way as to not let us win. There is no fair, and no fair chance, these are lies. I don't know where they came from but even in religion they are lies. The only solution to the unfairness of the weighted game is more unfairness. Divine providence and choice to elect some and not others. More unfairness, and this based on what sounds like free choice on the part of something we can't understand. I ache and my soul groans and burns with pain and anger at the evils that occur around me. And I have become numb to many which is sickening. I am angry, I am frustrated, with myself and life, with what is and what is not. Mainly I'm pissed at what has been allowed to transpire and today I have no patience for my fools blanket of safety which says "somehow this is the best of all possible worlds." Today there is no silver lining, today I believe things could be better than they are and I am pissed about that.
Oh, yesterday I learned that I got totally lied to and ripped off a couple years ago, in such a way as to set me up for more failure and embarrassment. It was great, nothing like the moment of epiphany that tells you that you are in fact an idiot.
On an encouraging note, I quote a friend:
"Smile for no reason, Laugh just because, Dance in the random, Love always, think positive in the moment; you will be happy in the now and forever will always be the next breath! "Make today, Now, this second, this moment......... Yours" Get at em~"
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