First let me start with a wrap-up from last time. I called it religion, I don't personally believe in a religion technically. If we truly believe in an all powerful God who can do anything and made everything, why would he need us to do his dirty work here on earth, and an even greater question, why would he reward us for the limited and pathetic things we do? Frankly religion is a silly idea, it assumes that God is limited and that he works like people do, you know, do something nice for him and He might do something nice for you. I called it religion because that is what people understand, but it really is just a daily faith. And daily, every day I fail, but the beauty is, since there is nothing I can do to win God's favor, then there is nothing I must do to earn it. I go to a church, and have mentors and relationships within a corporate worship body, but my faith is personal, it is what I believe and not what others tell me to believe. I have personal opinions on the interpretations of things based on how I perceive them, not how others tell me to. I have made my faith my own. But when discussing that topic, another comes up. Namely predestination vs. free choice.
predestination vs. free choice is an important and meaningless point. It is important because it explains something about how God and the universe works, but it is meaningless because it is not something we can control, even if we understood it fully (we being all humans). It is said that God chose his children, and that for those who do not choose him eternal separation from the presence of God is the punishment. But how is it that prophets can see the future and some events must occur? Clearly life is not fully based on free choice if some things will happen and are foreknown. Which brings an even bigger question, is anything done of free will if God knows everything that is and everything that will be and even that which might be.
I know its complicated, but over the years I have formed a basic theory which is loose and weak enough to hold a few drops of water, but its more than any of my alternatives the way I see it. Frankly I have no problem believing that everything that could happen can be known, such a thing implies freedom of choice and action on our parts. Also it would not make any sense to give punishment to a people who are predestined to fail, that just does not make sense. And although the ways of God are above the ways of man, God does tend to make sense in his own way, but being blatantly unfair is not a trait I know to be common of him. That is why I believe in a partiality between the two, a mixed destiny a thing which is some portion fated and unchangeable, and partly driven by our own actions and wills.
This went from slightly confusing to gordian knot sort of confusing, but sadly it gets worse before it gets better, so bear with me. So you may ask, how can something be partially predestined, and foreknown, and not technically be fully predestined, since any amount of fated direction would seem that all other things would then be reactant and contingent on what must be and what cannot be. But follow me for a second, what if some things simply had to happen because they are commonly fated, and others are up to us. For example, using the body, I have to breathe to live, so does that mean that I am fated to go to the store since I live? It may not make sense at first glance, but think about it, living basically necessitates breathing. But that does not mean that I was destined to breathe, nor does it have anything to do with me choosing to go to the store except that if I was not breathing I would be dead and therefore could not go to the store. Likewise, what if some things must happen, things that must happen as a quality and elementary characteristic of the reality around us, and those would be fated as they cannot be changed, but what we do with them is up to us.
The direction I am going is this, what if every person of every religion and every anti religion is given the choice to accept God even if they have no access to Him otherwise. What if the things you go through in your life, the big ones that you can't change were predestined, and what you choose to do with them is up to you. What if your family, your friends, your opportunities, your interests, desires, and even the year and place you were born are all fated, but what if you have the ultimate choice of what you will do with what you have been given. I say given because it is not something you can choose or change any more than you can change who your parents were or history that happened a thousand years ago. I do believe that there are some things we must go through in life that we simply cannot avoid. Some things that we can stall off, run away from, but in the end we will have to face them or not and that is the free choice, but we cannot change the existence of the thing. Who is around us, what is going on, and when things happen is totally out of our hands, and thus either of the free will of others, or perfectly orchestrated to give us choice and chance.
Ok, so its a stretch, and here my hidden optimism shows that I want to believe that in the end everything can work out for good, and that even the bad has a purpose to one day be defeated and overcome. I want to believe that although it may not look it, things are not a blind chaos of random chance, but rather that there is a purpose and a future and a victory.
So that is my belief, that some or even many things are predestined in our lives, but we still have the choice of how we react and what we do with what we have been given. And that the choices we do have, are not unfair, not stacked against us, but are honest and truly in our hands. I believe if God truly does love us, he would not jerk us around with the illusion of free choice where there is none. To truly love something is to love it enough to let it make its own mistakes and live its own life however it chooses, for in its own free choice it will find happiness. Granted it may not be the best choice or the best thing for the person doing the choosing, but forcing a person to do anything is unfair. A large part of free choice is having to live with the consequences of what we have chosen, and therein lies true love. I cannot make you understand what I know, you will have to walk your own path and learn it yourself, forcing you would only be taking away from you power over yourself. But at the same time, I believe that God gives us a fair chance, I have to.
I know that terrible things happen in the world, that the choices of man permanently damage others, I know this first and second hand. I have both held the torch and doused the flames, but I have to believe that beyond my understanding it is fair and that it will work out for good. Even if it is fair in a way we are not able to understand. Otherwise, I'd give up. I want to believe in a happy ending, without that hope, there is too much darkness to convince me to continue living.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
My Faith
Dear readers, what you read here will show you who I am. It is not the public me, but rather the private intensified. Here as you know I am neurotic, obsessive, long winded, and a bunch more things that I try not to show in public. Much of the humor is crude and the jokes lame and the topics self centered. But I wanted to go with this post in a direction I avoid. Normally I try reasonably hard to stay away from talking about religion. Having worked with writing a bunch I know that there are a few topics that can break a writer, and destroy popularity. One of those is religion. But I want you to know who I am. To shake off the lies for at least one post and show you the most private side of my face, and part of my heart as well.
It is no surprise that my faith is a large part of my life, after all I have worked in a church at a paid position for over five years, and worked at a church in general for over eight. I eat regularly with my senior pastor, I talk with my old youth pastor as a friend and mentor, I am facebook friends with the entire family that served our church in the worship ministry. These things are close to my heart. I have been trying to live as I believe, but such things are hard. Not until the brink of disaster, when everything falls away and we are left alone does God come to save the day, prove to us that he is greater than any problem we have. We sometimes have to give up, realize there is nothing left for us to do, nothing else we can do, and leave it to Him.
When it comes to reading every year I make it a point to get through psalms and proverbs. I enjoy them. Most recently I was in 1st Kings, specifically chapter 18. I was here trying to learn that God can overcome anything, even those things which we see as obstacles such as how an altar would light itself, and even more so if it is soaked in water.
I have kept a prayer log for some time now, it gets modified and changed, names get added and removed. But in general it is a way for me to remember to pray for my friends and their struggles. And so to not pick on any one in particular, or to make the struggles of others public, I will show you an excerpt, namely the first and last things I pray for.
I begin with something like, "Lord help me to not make a fool out of myself today." and end with "Lord I am yours, teach me to yearn for you, to seek you, and to trust you. Help me to remember that you are my God. Teach me to love like you love. Mold me into a blessing. Use me for your glory. Make me holy Lord. Lord teach me to be a blessing to my friends and family and all who meet me, let them see you in me." Not every prayer of mine goes this way, but this is how my log is written. When it is bearable, I take nights to go on walks. My neighborhood has a good 3 mile loop that I am fond of. While on the walk I use a good part of the time to pray. I go through my thoughts, feelings, actions, wants, needs, friends, family, hobbies, jokes, whatever comes to mind or is weighing on me that day. Now it may seem crazy, some guy walking down the street, seemingly talking to himself out loud, but its a good solid hour I can put aside.
Faith is one of the hardest things I have ever tried, and I get lazy, forget, and neglect it often. But I do believe that it works. I have seen the power of prayer, and even though often I do not get what I want, I get what I need. And although solutions are not often what is expected, they work better than my efforts ever could.
It is a hard thing for me to talk about, even harder in public, and I often feel awkward when discussing it, but that's a peek into me, and it's just about as honest as I could be. This is where I get my strength and my ability to press on.
If in my life I do anything that is considered great, let it be known that the glory belongs to God; and when in my life I fail in any way, let that then be attributed to me.
It is no surprise that my faith is a large part of my life, after all I have worked in a church at a paid position for over five years, and worked at a church in general for over eight. I eat regularly with my senior pastor, I talk with my old youth pastor as a friend and mentor, I am facebook friends with the entire family that served our church in the worship ministry. These things are close to my heart. I have been trying to live as I believe, but such things are hard. Not until the brink of disaster, when everything falls away and we are left alone does God come to save the day, prove to us that he is greater than any problem we have. We sometimes have to give up, realize there is nothing left for us to do, nothing else we can do, and leave it to Him.
When it comes to reading every year I make it a point to get through psalms and proverbs. I enjoy them. Most recently I was in 1st Kings, specifically chapter 18. I was here trying to learn that God can overcome anything, even those things which we see as obstacles such as how an altar would light itself, and even more so if it is soaked in water.
I have kept a prayer log for some time now, it gets modified and changed, names get added and removed. But in general it is a way for me to remember to pray for my friends and their struggles. And so to not pick on any one in particular, or to make the struggles of others public, I will show you an excerpt, namely the first and last things I pray for.
I begin with something like, "Lord help me to not make a fool out of myself today." and end with "Lord I am yours, teach me to yearn for you, to seek you, and to trust you. Help me to remember that you are my God. Teach me to love like you love. Mold me into a blessing. Use me for your glory. Make me holy Lord. Lord teach me to be a blessing to my friends and family and all who meet me, let them see you in me." Not every prayer of mine goes this way, but this is how my log is written. When it is bearable, I take nights to go on walks. My neighborhood has a good 3 mile loop that I am fond of. While on the walk I use a good part of the time to pray. I go through my thoughts, feelings, actions, wants, needs, friends, family, hobbies, jokes, whatever comes to mind or is weighing on me that day. Now it may seem crazy, some guy walking down the street, seemingly talking to himself out loud, but its a good solid hour I can put aside.
Faith is one of the hardest things I have ever tried, and I get lazy, forget, and neglect it often. But I do believe that it works. I have seen the power of prayer, and even though often I do not get what I want, I get what I need. And although solutions are not often what is expected, they work better than my efforts ever could.
It is a hard thing for me to talk about, even harder in public, and I often feel awkward when discussing it, but that's a peek into me, and it's just about as honest as I could be. This is where I get my strength and my ability to press on.
If in my life I do anything that is considered great, let it be known that the glory belongs to God; and when in my life I fail in any way, let that then be attributed to me.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Back to our regularly scheduled program
... Now while hanging out with friends recently someone mentioned fording a river, which lead to a conversation about dysentery... Now would it be too vein of me to assume that this means that people actually read my blog? The idea that a person would willingly choose to allow themselves to be assaulted by such rampant misuse of language, thought, and public hosting space, confounds and amazes me. What I have to say really is not that interesting, informing, or true... most of the time. But those of you who do read and choose to remember rather than immediately erase what you have read I thank you... and recommend you get your head examined... but I'll even offer to drive you to your new home. You know, that place where they give you free meals, nice clean white suits and padded walls in case you decide to sleep vertically. They really are nice, sometimes I feel like I live there, and the people really are something else. If you are looking for an escape from the drudge and dirge of normal everyday life filled with normal everyday people, I highly recommend a vacation to this place. If nothing else, it is anything but normal...
But getting back to our regularly scheduled program, life and all its intricacies. In the past few days I have applied to three different job positions within the game industry. Two of them would take me away from my safe haven of crazyville usa and move me to the center of upper-coldboringtown usa. I'm not sure that I'm emotionally prepared to leave, but these jobs are the ones I dream of, so I shall pursue it. The jobs I applied for are those of Q.A. tester (guy who plays games all day), Lead content designer (story and quest guy) and system designer (math and number system guy). I have worked with all of these in the past in an unofficial capacity, but this time it's for real (hopefully).
Now moving forward to the past, something came to mind recently, namely my personal problems with worth and being good enough. I think that these stem from a specific event or chain of events in my life and believe that as I normally do, can bend the rules to validate my way of life (not that I need it, I personally am reasonably fine with who I am). But some of the things that have been asked of me are that I A. be part of a sports team. Well, to answer to this, for the past three years I have trained professionally under world champion trainers in various Martial Arts, and am a member of the local college MMA (mixed martial arts) team. So it's not a sports team, its not a team game, but it is athletic and physical. B. I have been asked to be a leader in some fashion. Well, I have trained a total of seven people in audio technical operations, but also (as a counter point and not a boastful pedestal) I have a strong group of fellowship friends from campus who look up to me and seek my guidance. This, like the last point, is not an official capacity, has no money, fame, or man made glory attached to it like being a captain of a football team would, but it still exists and is quite real. So for right now there is my section on self validation. A note for the readers, if live tells you that you are not good enough, tell it to play by your rules and find a way to beat it at its own game.
To conclude let me thank the loyal readers that I have. I was surprised today to find that someone I do not know well (shout out to J.B.) reads this regularly. Thank you (TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!). This just proves that somehow this blog can reach beyond what my physical time at school could bring.
So to finish off the night I went with a friend to the movies... after the movies closed... it was great. Basically I know a few guys who work there, so after the theater closes, its free watch whatever on the big screen time... not always, or that often, but sometimes. So we watched "Role models" not a bad movie, a reasonably high level of language and some nudity, but not a bad movie.
Well, I'm done for the night. Thank you
But getting back to our regularly scheduled program, life and all its intricacies. In the past few days I have applied to three different job positions within the game industry. Two of them would take me away from my safe haven of crazyville usa and move me to the center of upper-coldboringtown usa. I'm not sure that I'm emotionally prepared to leave, but these jobs are the ones I dream of, so I shall pursue it. The jobs I applied for are those of Q.A. tester (guy who plays games all day), Lead content designer (story and quest guy) and system designer (math and number system guy). I have worked with all of these in the past in an unofficial capacity, but this time it's for real (hopefully).
Now moving forward to the past, something came to mind recently, namely my personal problems with worth and being good enough. I think that these stem from a specific event or chain of events in my life and believe that as I normally do, can bend the rules to validate my way of life (not that I need it, I personally am reasonably fine with who I am). But some of the things that have been asked of me are that I A. be part of a sports team. Well, to answer to this, for the past three years I have trained professionally under world champion trainers in various Martial Arts, and am a member of the local college MMA (mixed martial arts) team. So it's not a sports team, its not a team game, but it is athletic and physical. B. I have been asked to be a leader in some fashion. Well, I have trained a total of seven people in audio technical operations, but also (as a counter point and not a boastful pedestal) I have a strong group of fellowship friends from campus who look up to me and seek my guidance. This, like the last point, is not an official capacity, has no money, fame, or man made glory attached to it like being a captain of a football team would, but it still exists and is quite real. So for right now there is my section on self validation. A note for the readers, if live tells you that you are not good enough, tell it to play by your rules and find a way to beat it at its own game.
To conclude let me thank the loyal readers that I have. I was surprised today to find that someone I do not know well (shout out to J.B.) reads this regularly. Thank you (TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!). This just proves that somehow this blog can reach beyond what my physical time at school could bring.
So to finish off the night I went with a friend to the movies... after the movies closed... it was great. Basically I know a few guys who work there, so after the theater closes, its free watch whatever on the big screen time... not always, or that often, but sometimes. So we watched "Role models" not a bad movie, a reasonably high level of language and some nudity, but not a bad movie.
Well, I'm done for the night. Thank you
Monday, January 26, 2009
Bibliophilia
Well... I was on campus today and ended up spending 70 bucks on books for classes I am not taking... In fact I am not taking any classes as I have graduated... Yeah... But they're rare volumes that I have researched before... Fairy tales, monk's lives, Tolkein... Who can pass up a good story about a knight?
Otherwise though, my day is going great (actually that is great too). I applied to a job last night which I actually meet the requirements to. It's not as much a dream job as the other two I am applying to, but, it is close by with a totally radical company and is close enough to commute.
Something I have been learning in my life is that I need to stop being stubborn and fighting for what I want, but rather look for that which I deserve. Such a thing is hard to judge, but I plan to improve my dreams beyond the stars and reach for the galaxies...
On tuesday I joined a good friend in driving up to good 'ol PA for his grandmother's funeral. Being a long standing family friend, I was elected to be a pall bearer. My original plans were to hang out on campus with all my un-gradumacated friends whom I love dearly (not joking, they're like my adopted family and children). But in not being on campus I saved myself from buying more books I don't need. Also I wanted to keep him company on the long drive up and back, and I do believe that funerals are important and need to be experienced to better understand life (no joke, I took a class on "ritual and burial"). Also in today's culture we are not exposed to death as it was meant to be, we do not wade through the streets bringing out our dead, or worry that our children or wives may not live through child birth or typhoid or fording the river. Times are different... Speaking of which, I'm gonna find and play Oregon trail... yeah... my oxen will die... mmmmm dysentery....
Otherwise though, my day is going great (actually that is great too). I applied to a job last night which I actually meet the requirements to. It's not as much a dream job as the other two I am applying to, but, it is close by with a totally radical company and is close enough to commute.
Something I have been learning in my life is that I need to stop being stubborn and fighting for what I want, but rather look for that which I deserve. Such a thing is hard to judge, but I plan to improve my dreams beyond the stars and reach for the galaxies...
On tuesday I joined a good friend in driving up to good 'ol PA for his grandmother's funeral. Being a long standing family friend, I was elected to be a pall bearer. My original plans were to hang out on campus with all my un-gradumacated friends whom I love dearly (not joking, they're like my adopted family and children). But in not being on campus I saved myself from buying more books I don't need. Also I wanted to keep him company on the long drive up and back, and I do believe that funerals are important and need to be experienced to better understand life (no joke, I took a class on "ritual and burial"). Also in today's culture we are not exposed to death as it was meant to be, we do not wade through the streets bringing out our dead, or worry that our children or wives may not live through child birth or typhoid or fording the river. Times are different... Speaking of which, I'm gonna find and play Oregon trail... yeah... my oxen will die... mmmmm dysentery....
Saturday, January 24, 2009
There and Broke Again
A Hobo's tale by Rambley Dave:
Well, ok, so the title lies, I am not broke, but I did make a journey as you have read about. My current journey however consists of learning how ignorant I am about myself. There are many lies we tell ourselves about ourselves to get by. You know, that we are good people, and that things will work out and so on. I am learning that my mouth (or in this case my fingers) can move faster than my head. I am also learning that I need to get over my default assumption that I am always right, and start opening my ears to what others are saying. It sounds like it will be hard, and it probably will. Only time will tell if I succeed.
When it comes to moving on towards that future of mine, I have taken the second step of many towards convincing myself that I am growing up. A while ago I talked about my plans to subconsciously convince myself that I am growing up by changing my attire. I started with a Fedora, quite stylish if I do say so myself, and think I'll use my olive drab coat to match (ok, so the hat is brown, but it goes well with green... though I cant see green, so I guess this is just one more of those lies to self...Oh yeah, let me tell you a truth dear reader, I am colorblind. I inherited a family gene which has deformed one of my cone cells in my eyes. My brain is confused by the color green, I can see it, but its shades make it look gray-scale... Oh, also I can't spell to save my life, but luckily I have faithful editors, and programs at my disposal to help mask this.) Where was I... Oh so today I bought a new bag... Or basically my 'man purse'. It is a laptop bag which is to replace my old 'bag of tricks' from college. Its a lot smaller, sleeker, and has leather which is always cool and professional looking. I am now one more step closer to convincing myself that I am a grownup (but I will never stop believing in fairy tales).
Well, ok, so the title lies, I am not broke, but I did make a journey as you have read about. My current journey however consists of learning how ignorant I am about myself. There are many lies we tell ourselves about ourselves to get by. You know, that we are good people, and that things will work out and so on. I am learning that my mouth (or in this case my fingers) can move faster than my head. I am also learning that I need to get over my default assumption that I am always right, and start opening my ears to what others are saying. It sounds like it will be hard, and it probably will. Only time will tell if I succeed.
When it comes to moving on towards that future of mine, I have taken the second step of many towards convincing myself that I am growing up. A while ago I talked about my plans to subconsciously convince myself that I am growing up by changing my attire. I started with a Fedora, quite stylish if I do say so myself, and think I'll use my olive drab coat to match (ok, so the hat is brown, but it goes well with green... though I cant see green, so I guess this is just one more of those lies to self...Oh yeah, let me tell you a truth dear reader, I am colorblind. I inherited a family gene which has deformed one of my cone cells in my eyes. My brain is confused by the color green, I can see it, but its shades make it look gray-scale... Oh, also I can't spell to save my life, but luckily I have faithful editors, and programs at my disposal to help mask this.) Where was I... Oh so today I bought a new bag... Or basically my 'man purse'. It is a laptop bag which is to replace my old 'bag of tricks' from college. Its a lot smaller, sleeker, and has leather which is always cool and professional looking. I am now one more step closer to convincing myself that I am a grownup (but I will never stop believing in fairy tales).
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Breaking the Rules... Again
Ok, so this time I did something crazy and totally not cool. I decided that with my new-found free time in conjunction with my GPS device, that I am able to go places. Problem is the message that I was coming from one place and going to another was badly placed on my part. So as I write, I am in the Swem Library in Williamsburg. Now, for those of you who know me, you probably think you know why I am here, and maybe even why I stayed up all night to leave around 4:30 am on this journey... Well your right and wrong. But mostly you are right.
Note of the wise "distance helps relationships"
Note of the fool "dropping in unexpectedly on an old friend who lives multiple hours away from your house is not a good plan for a spur of the moment thing... and the car ride gives you lots of time to realize this... lots of time..."
But yes, I went south east for the only person I can easily say I'd travel for. We have decided to try and rebuild things from the ground up, starting back at basic friendship. Next comes the old "your momma" jokes, shortly followed by the "that's what she said" phase which occurs directly before the good old "advanced avionics" phase... or was it the tachyon deflector inversion technique (also known as the "Jordy" maneuver)... And then last, actually hanging out and talking. We already went over the cone of silence, which I think was a good place to start. However I botched the whole thing (or almost did) by my random need to pick up and move cross state at unholy hours of the night. But she was kind to me (which was really lucky since I not only dropped in unexpectedly, but also woke her up on her day to sleep in and disturbed the schedule). But she is an angel (Truth: I remember how to not misspell angel from my common error angle because I tell myself that "Angels be Gellin Yo!" like in the Dr. Shoals gell inserts commercial... and if I sell that idea to the advertisers I could make MILLIONS... of yen... maybe).
Well, I know it will take time but I hope from my blogs, my personal crazy, and from my personality as seen in person you can all see that I have made much progress in the ways of becoming a better man in the past few years. And in forging a better outlook on life and a stronger backbone... more rubber for the construction materials and more glue for the cannons :P
... ok so maybe I'm still the same old cheezy sap I used to be... Get over it, the cheeze is not going away anytime soon!
Note of the wise "distance helps relationships"
Note of the fool "dropping in unexpectedly on an old friend who lives multiple hours away from your house is not a good plan for a spur of the moment thing... and the car ride gives you lots of time to realize this... lots of time..."
But yes, I went south east for the only person I can easily say I'd travel for. We have decided to try and rebuild things from the ground up, starting back at basic friendship. Next comes the old "your momma" jokes, shortly followed by the "that's what she said" phase which occurs directly before the good old "advanced avionics" phase... or was it the tachyon deflector inversion technique (also known as the "Jordy" maneuver)... And then last, actually hanging out and talking. We already went over the cone of silence, which I think was a good place to start. However I botched the whole thing (or almost did) by my random need to pick up and move cross state at unholy hours of the night. But she was kind to me (which was really lucky since I not only dropped in unexpectedly, but also woke her up on her day to sleep in and disturbed the schedule). But she is an angel (Truth: I remember how to not misspell angel from my common error angle because I tell myself that "Angels be Gellin Yo!" like in the Dr. Shoals gell inserts commercial... and if I sell that idea to the advertisers I could make MILLIONS... of yen... maybe).
Well, I know it will take time but I hope from my blogs, my personal crazy, and from my personality as seen in person you can all see that I have made much progress in the ways of becoming a better man in the past few years. And in forging a better outlook on life and a stronger backbone... more rubber for the construction materials and more glue for the cannons :P
... ok so maybe I'm still the same old cheezy sap I used to be... Get over it, the cheeze is not going away anytime soon!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Mass Effect
Time to get away from all that heavy stuff for a bit and return to my other love in life... Games. I recently began playing Dead Space, a sci-fi horror RPG with high reviews. Now I must say it does a good job with the music, and scripting, and atmosphere to make the game both creepy and jumpy at times, much like a good horror movie (if such a thing exists). I suppose it could also be compared to something like Resident Evil, which was, in my opinion, one of the best horror games ever made suspense wise (... the new ones...). But playing Dead Space has reminded me of Mass Effect. The movement, the textures, the general feel is similar, almost as if they used the same engine, but Dead Space does not allow you as much control. First the camera is at an odd position, second your character is slow, the aim toggle is clunky, the interface is slightly awkward at best based on button layout... it feels like Mass Effect, but is not as user friendly as Mass Effect. Therefore, I have once again started playing Mass Effect to satisfy my inner most needs and desires as a gamer.
Oh, and about the last post... You did'nt actually think I cared what you had to say or that it would affect my final decision did you? You should know me better than that.
Now unrelated to all of this I have run ashore in my mental boat. An odd problem has begun plaguing me, it may have begun in a dream, but it is a problem none the less. My problem is as follows, what do you do about a liar who lies about lying? Now before you point a finger at me, remember that I am a different case, I am a liar who tells the truth about lying. When you speak to someone, and you catch them in a blatant lie, then they use another lie to cover their tracks, do you even point out the first one, or do you leave the point as moot since the person is only seeking to evade? Or are they in denial? With lies it is occasionally hard to say, but what is the proper course of action in such cases. Again, I may lie and b.s. my way all across the map, but when caught I do admit defeat. That and my lies are not as much evasions as they are often tools to pressure further thought and examination. I often try to use lies to tell the truth, rather than to hide it, as there is not much in my life that lays hidden.
... how much do you think ebay would take love letters from highschool for?...
P.S. ACK! another friend is engaged... that makes ALMOST EVERYBODY!!! ok, so maybe not quite, but that's now something like 5 marriages and 8 engagements of close friends in the past year...
Oh, and about the last post... You did'nt actually think I cared what you had to say or that it would affect my final decision did you? You should know me better than that.
Now unrelated to all of this I have run ashore in my mental boat. An odd problem has begun plaguing me, it may have begun in a dream, but it is a problem none the less. My problem is as follows, what do you do about a liar who lies about lying? Now before you point a finger at me, remember that I am a different case, I am a liar who tells the truth about lying. When you speak to someone, and you catch them in a blatant lie, then they use another lie to cover their tracks, do you even point out the first one, or do you leave the point as moot since the person is only seeking to evade? Or are they in denial? With lies it is occasionally hard to say, but what is the proper course of action in such cases. Again, I may lie and b.s. my way all across the map, but when caught I do admit defeat. That and my lies are not as much evasions as they are often tools to pressure further thought and examination. I often try to use lies to tell the truth, rather than to hide it, as there is not much in my life that lays hidden.
... how much do you think ebay would take love letters from highschool for?...
P.S. ACK! another friend is engaged... that makes ALMOST EVERYBODY!!! ok, so maybe not quite, but that's now something like 5 marriages and 8 engagements of close friends in the past year...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tarnished But Not Lost
Phew, well I spent some time writing and editing. Ended up writing myself into a corner and looking for something to do while I figure out how to fix it. So I did what I occasionally do when I need something to do. I started cleaning. I decided it was finally time to move that box of stuff from a relationship long past, and could not resist opening it and rifling through some old memories. I know what you're thinking, yes, I did leave a box on my floor for almost four years and not touch it. I almost continued to not touch it, but decided that it was finally time. I went through the stuff (boy I wrote a lot of notes) and found many small keepsakes that I had long forgotten about. The one that touched me most was a small ziplock bag that had in it a mass of brownish metal. I opened the bag and reached inside to find that the mass was actually once a necklace. A necklace with special significance. In the bag was a copper necklace made of small delicate tipple weave chain links, each link about a millimeter long and maybe one fourth that wide. I got this necklace for her early. I don't remember if it was something like the first month or something like that, but it was within the first year. I found it in a gift shop in West Virginia where my family occasionally vacates to. I believe it was six bucks. It had two connected hearts with a small ball of coal in the center. Kinda a gaudy thing, but it was the best looking one there. I remember she was so sad when the hearts broke off and she lost them. She must have warn that thing for three years straight, every day. In fact I think it was the only jewelry I was ever able to get her to keep.
Also in the box I found some cloths, various small gifts, and approximately half of the near thousand hand written notes we sent back and forth. Funny, I returned hers to her, and she returned mine to me, but what good are they in this form. I almost wish I had kept hers and mine, as I am sure hers were disposed of upon arrival. So much history but what is it worth? Well, I wrote this to help myself reflect. Inside I also found a smattering of bad poetry and terrible spelling, but one thing in particular stood out. Apparently not all of my poetry was bad, as I found one piece that, though I don't remember writing, am proud I did not destroy. It is a bit primitive, needs some metric work, but it has a good heart. I have attached it below.
But it would not be you
This poem is for you.
For the times that you fear.
You can take off your shoes.
And read like I'm there.
Maybe I could do better.
A girl who is more beautiful.
But no one could look nicer wetter.
Than you, after swimming as you do.
Maybe I could find one more exciting.
One who fills my every desire.
But who can ever be more inviting.
For you have given me an empire.
Maybe I could look harder.
Find a girl who is much smarter.
But I would miss the blond-ness you possess.
And especially of all things your unique finesse.
Maybe I could try more.
Looking in every door.
But in every way looking for your smile.
And the way you make every second fully worth my while.
I may be able to find any kind of girl if I tried.
But I can only ask why.
For what I have found in you.
I have never seen one so true.
Maybe I could find some one better.
But in thoughts I would always be untrue.
To be able to go out and get her.
But always dreaming of you.
You're everything I've ever dreamed of.
In the one I like, in the one I love.
Searching for other girls would only make me blue.
For she would never be the one and only you.
N'ar fear, for I shall always be near... And in your heart... is the place I wish to start...
Now that I have recorded this here, it will not be lost like much of the other stuff. I am not sure if it would be right to keep it. Part of me wants to send it off by fire, but another part wants to keep it for sentimental value. But why. So let me ask you my dear audience, should one keep things returned from old relationships, or should those things be tossed?
Also in the box I found some cloths, various small gifts, and approximately half of the near thousand hand written notes we sent back and forth. Funny, I returned hers to her, and she returned mine to me, but what good are they in this form. I almost wish I had kept hers and mine, as I am sure hers were disposed of upon arrival. So much history but what is it worth? Well, I wrote this to help myself reflect. Inside I also found a smattering of bad poetry and terrible spelling, but one thing in particular stood out. Apparently not all of my poetry was bad, as I found one piece that, though I don't remember writing, am proud I did not destroy. It is a bit primitive, needs some metric work, but it has a good heart. I have attached it below.
But it would not be you
This poem is for you.
For the times that you fear.
You can take off your shoes.
And read like I'm there.
Maybe I could do better.
A girl who is more beautiful.
But no one could look nicer wetter.
Than you, after swimming as you do.
Maybe I could find one more exciting.
One who fills my every desire.
But who can ever be more inviting.
For you have given me an empire.
Maybe I could look harder.
Find a girl who is much smarter.
But I would miss the blond-ness you possess.
And especially of all things your unique finesse.
Maybe I could try more.
Looking in every door.
But in every way looking for your smile.
And the way you make every second fully worth my while.
I may be able to find any kind of girl if I tried.
But I can only ask why.
For what I have found in you.
I have never seen one so true.
Maybe I could find some one better.
But in thoughts I would always be untrue.
To be able to go out and get her.
But always dreaming of you.
You're everything I've ever dreamed of.
In the one I like, in the one I love.
Searching for other girls would only make me blue.
For she would never be the one and only you.
N'ar fear, for I shall always be near... And in your heart... is the place I wish to start...
Now that I have recorded this here, it will not be lost like much of the other stuff. I am not sure if it would be right to keep it. Part of me wants to send it off by fire, but another part wants to keep it for sentimental value. But why. So let me ask you my dear audience, should one keep things returned from old relationships, or should those things be tossed?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Fighting with my Brother
Having more time now than I have in a long while, I have begun trying to be a real brother to my younger nodule (yes, that is one of his nicknames). So I have been helping him with his homework from time to time, and also generally spending more time with him. Recently I have been wrestling with him more, as he really needs to learn the basics of self defense and combat training. I had feared for a while that he was on the road to pacifism, but perhaps its just his age. I made this connection because he finds my weapons interesting, but never wishes to hold them or learn to use them. The best example of this is I bought him a practice sword form an Renaissance festival which he loves, he carries it around, but refuses to let me teach him how to use it. It has been hard for me in the past to interact with him, as he is twelve years younger than me. Recently however he has been open to learning small things about strategy and hand-to-hand combat when I give him pointers on things like the proper way to block and how to move. It's kinda fun, I suppose I feel like I am learning. I hope one day to do the same with my own children, but that is probably a long ways off as first I need a wife, and even before that, a stable relationship with a female not averse to a romantic relationship with me. Hahaha, I guess I'm just too much of a nice guy to get the girls, and too much of a jerk to take the ones I get...
Personal Personality
I forget who I was talking to the other day, but they began to diagnose me. They stated that I may have some form of closet OCD with extensions into the areas of neatness, order, and cleanliness. They went on to say that this behavioral quality of mine may explain how I am socially awkward and who I make friends with. I find most of this laughable as A. my room is the best example of how neatness, and order are not overrun by an obsessive compulsion for me, B. I believe dirt is good for you, but just not that one should wear it around in public, C. people suck, and only those who prove themselves worthy of my time by tolerating my being a pretentious intellectual jerk and all around good at everything. Rather, a self diagnosis would find that though perhaps a small amount of OCD may exist, it is not my main problem. The INTJ in me gets stronger every year, as does my aversion to ignorance, rigid authority, and pointless social rituals. I will admit a slight degree of misanthropy, coupled with a rogue devil's advocate way of analyzing things and people, but there is nothing wrong with asking why and why not. Or in pushing a person 'till they break to see if they have a spine. Growth comes through change, and learning through pain. Now that I think about it I believe it was the wolf who told me these things...
Later this week I'll be picking up reference letters and fighting with the county about getting an early start. See, I am a specialist on the area in which I will be teaching, and also have been specifically requested as such. It's gonna be good to go in there and throw down rank as I show that I can break the system even before learning how to exploit it from within... Or have I already done that... It matters not. In the mean time I must get more writing done. The editing process is catching up with the story progression and development, so soon it will be half done or so. I still need to work out the specifics of the deal with my illustrator, and all the online info I can find is stupid, either requiring a subscription or some other B.S.
Also I have now almost fully patched things up with my church, and have mostly returned. This is in reference to... well... the decision I made to be willing to do anything I could for another person, and I needed a good serious way to start. So that's almost fixed, it's a bit awkward, but I'm back.
Well, I'll catch you ladies and gents on the flip side.
Post Scribit: Maybe this could be my theme song... Here's the context... I'll keep looking.
... and for those of you keeping score at home...
Later this week I'll be picking up reference letters and fighting with the county about getting an early start. See, I am a specialist on the area in which I will be teaching, and also have been specifically requested as such. It's gonna be good to go in there and throw down rank as I show that I can break the system even before learning how to exploit it from within... Or have I already done that... It matters not. In the mean time I must get more writing done. The editing process is catching up with the story progression and development, so soon it will be half done or so. I still need to work out the specifics of the deal with my illustrator, and all the online info I can find is stupid, either requiring a subscription or some other B.S.
Also I have now almost fully patched things up with my church, and have mostly returned. This is in reference to... well... the decision I made to be willing to do anything I could for another person, and I needed a good serious way to start. So that's almost fixed, it's a bit awkward, but I'm back.
Well, I'll catch you ladies and gents on the flip side.
Post Scribit: Maybe this could be my theme song... Here's the context... I'll keep looking.
... and for those of you keeping score at home...
Sunday, January 18, 2009
...Where it Stops...
Listen carefully because I'm about to give away a secret, and like a magician, the coca cola company, and comedians, my secrets are proprietary trade secrets. Besides, if I gave them all away, why would you read this... You like being messed with, challenged, entertained, and yes, even bored. I find that when I write posts, full or partial, that address universal human issues, if I throw out a challenge to the reader, it will resonate with someone. The posts are rarely written to a specific person (not meaning that I did not have someone specific in mind though). But then again, I am a self professed liar. So I guess the question is, if I am a liar, and I am lying, then can you still gain something from it? The answer is yes.
See, it is like throwing darts while blindfolded. Yes from time to time I will miss the target, and other times I will hit things that really would have been better off without a dart stuck in them, but in the rare instance in which I do hit the board, and better if it makes a double, triple or even bull's eye score. Then I can say that I threw a dart blindfolded and hit something... The fact that I missed every other time only detracts from the victory, and thus sadly does not make it into the final version of the story. So my hope is that in making blanket statements that should be true for everyone, that someone will actually think about what I write and do something about it. So stop being so selfish and thinking its all about you, because it is... All of you. That and I heard a interpretation of what one of my greatest teachers does. It has been cleaned up for reasons of decency, but put simply sometimes you just need to sit down and throw mud at a wall just to see if it sticks. Because if it does, then you have learned something. That and every sleeping giant needs to be poked from time to time, otherwise life would be boring (every level needs a good boss fight to make you feel like you really accomplished something and can be proud to move on to the next (I think that is a personal best for how long it has been since my last video game reference, good for me)).
See, I know you, I know what makes you tick, and I know that since you read this somewhere deep inside exists a [omitted]. Some of you fall prey to that which killed the cat, others know my close personal friend the green monster quite well, and others still have one eye that sees more than the other. And perhaps it is unfair for a coward and brave fool as myself to call you a coward, but if you already thought that then your rationalizing things and really are a coward, if you did not think that, then your in denial and really are a coward.
Isn't circular logic a wonderful invention.
But as a wise fool once said, "Trust not the words of a poet, as he is born to seduce. Yet for poetry to seize the heart, it must ring with the chimes of truth." Therefore, if what I say bothers you, then I am doing it right and you are doing it wrong. If what I say does not effect you, why do you read my column? And if I do affect you, and you fix what you were doing wrong, keep reading, it helps me pay the bills. All I can hope is that I help you fix yourself, and that later another problem happens in your life that I can randomly and accidentally help fix... or make worse... but hey, that's what makes life interesting right (problems that is, and forget the part where I just said that I hope you have more problems, even though I meant it).
See, it is like throwing darts while blindfolded. Yes from time to time I will miss the target, and other times I will hit things that really would have been better off without a dart stuck in them, but in the rare instance in which I do hit the board, and better if it makes a double, triple or even bull's eye score. Then I can say that I threw a dart blindfolded and hit something... The fact that I missed every other time only detracts from the victory, and thus sadly does not make it into the final version of the story. So my hope is that in making blanket statements that should be true for everyone, that someone will actually think about what I write and do something about it. So stop being so selfish and thinking its all about you, because it is... All of you. That and I heard a interpretation of what one of my greatest teachers does. It has been cleaned up for reasons of decency, but put simply sometimes you just need to sit down and throw mud at a wall just to see if it sticks. Because if it does, then you have learned something. That and every sleeping giant needs to be poked from time to time, otherwise life would be boring (every level needs a good boss fight to make you feel like you really accomplished something and can be proud to move on to the next (I think that is a personal best for how long it has been since my last video game reference, good for me)).
See, I know you, I know what makes you tick, and I know that since you read this somewhere deep inside exists a [omitted]. Some of you fall prey to that which killed the cat, others know my close personal friend the green monster quite well, and others still have one eye that sees more than the other. And perhaps it is unfair for a coward and brave fool as myself to call you a coward, but if you already thought that then your rationalizing things and really are a coward, if you did not think that, then your in denial and really are a coward.
Isn't circular logic a wonderful invention.
But as a wise fool once said, "Trust not the words of a poet, as he is born to seduce. Yet for poetry to seize the heart, it must ring with the chimes of truth." Therefore, if what I say bothers you, then I am doing it right and you are doing it wrong. If what I say does not effect you, why do you read my column? And if I do affect you, and you fix what you were doing wrong, keep reading, it helps me pay the bills. All I can hope is that I help you fix yourself, and that later another problem happens in your life that I can randomly and accidentally help fix... or make worse... but hey, that's what makes life interesting right (problems that is, and forget the part where I just said that I hope you have more problems, even though I meant it).
Latenight Lunacy
A freak occurrence has canceled my working tomorrow morn, so here I sit, alone in the dark, watching House, and pondering. Though I am now done with college, and for the most part unemployed, I do not spend enough nights up thinking. Thinking is overrated, it is too easy and often hurts too much. In reflection one looks back more on the failures and regrets than the successes and acceptable outcomes that live has provided.
While pondering something came to mind. The writing of a book entitled "The greatest thing I ever did for my family and friends was die." (such a book would be an ironic truth as if it sold well, then the recorded thoughts about life and dieing (like the last lectures series) could benefit the periphery more in the future than the present) But then, that is the very purpose this blog is to serve. This whole time my intentions have gone unspoken, and now I realize that if not recorded, they will never be known, and only possibly surmised by students and friends. So to put it plainly, this blog is to capture me, my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a pivotal phase of my life. I lie far too much here, both to you and myself. That and though I strive for at the least the essence of amusing lies, and artistic portrayal, I end up saying little and meaning more than could be understood. The purpose here is to show those who do not know me, or do not know me well, or even those who do know me, who I am. I mean this in an omnitemporal sense. I expect friends and colleagues to read this, and one day maybe family and children. Giving them the chance to see my humanity, my uncertainty, my failure, doubt, success, and thoughts. And although moods confuse the meaning, and lies obscure the truth, it is my way of reaching out.
I want to be something, because I am who I am, and for no other reason. I have been urged towards a job as an analyst for the good ol' Dept of Just, the F B of I to be specific, by a senior of that very position. He thinks I would do well there, and I might. But I am unsure about such a position. The romantic in me would rather be a starving writer, with a slim chance of success, than a successful tank thinker, and only one of many. I would rather die alone but for those who I force to be by my side, rather than be surrounded by those who choose to support me. Is such a thing arrogance, or is it personal pride? It is true that I am not what I am not, and that I was not what I am, and that I will not be that which I cannot become.
It hurts, the pain is dull and deep, like the burning of ice against the face. But this pain cuts through my chest and into my heart and soul. Things which go unspoken, known and unknown, things understood and misunderstood. Things of gravity, ghosts, questions.
People cannot ever make perfect sense, they may strive to as individuals, or at least rationalize to themselves ways and means and reasons that excuse their thoughts and actions. But no matter how hard they try, true rationality may be impossible. We never really know what we believe or feel, so how can we tell others these things in truth. And how with others can we together reach understandings based on truths which are secretly uncertainties which are based on knowledge that is superficial at best. Nations work like people. People may feel pain and never know the cause, and it will take others examinations to uncover the truth, but this does not change the reality of the afflicted. Knowing changes nothing, having the power and will to change does, but is worthless without the knowledge. So somehow we need others to better live ourselves, but by the same token, others can lead to the opposite of that which may be considered living better. The door is self, and the key choice. The lock is invisible, and may not even exist, but for some it holds the door firm and unwavering, and others not at all.
Do you use your key, have you found the lock, dare you touch the door.
Coward.
The first step to growth is change, stop rationalizing the reasons not to, and just make it happen.
While pondering something came to mind. The writing of a book entitled "The greatest thing I ever did for my family and friends was die." (such a book would be an ironic truth as if it sold well, then the recorded thoughts about life and dieing (like the last lectures series) could benefit the periphery more in the future than the present) But then, that is the very purpose this blog is to serve. This whole time my intentions have gone unspoken, and now I realize that if not recorded, they will never be known, and only possibly surmised by students and friends. So to put it plainly, this blog is to capture me, my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a pivotal phase of my life. I lie far too much here, both to you and myself. That and though I strive for at the least the essence of amusing lies, and artistic portrayal, I end up saying little and meaning more than could be understood. The purpose here is to show those who do not know me, or do not know me well, or even those who do know me, who I am. I mean this in an omnitemporal sense. I expect friends and colleagues to read this, and one day maybe family and children. Giving them the chance to see my humanity, my uncertainty, my failure, doubt, success, and thoughts. And although moods confuse the meaning, and lies obscure the truth, it is my way of reaching out.
I want to be something, because I am who I am, and for no other reason. I have been urged towards a job as an analyst for the good ol' Dept of Just, the F B of I to be specific, by a senior of that very position. He thinks I would do well there, and I might. But I am unsure about such a position. The romantic in me would rather be a starving writer, with a slim chance of success, than a successful tank thinker, and only one of many. I would rather die alone but for those who I force to be by my side, rather than be surrounded by those who choose to support me. Is such a thing arrogance, or is it personal pride? It is true that I am not what I am not, and that I was not what I am, and that I will not be that which I cannot become.
It hurts, the pain is dull and deep, like the burning of ice against the face. But this pain cuts through my chest and into my heart and soul. Things which go unspoken, known and unknown, things understood and misunderstood. Things of gravity, ghosts, questions.
People cannot ever make perfect sense, they may strive to as individuals, or at least rationalize to themselves ways and means and reasons that excuse their thoughts and actions. But no matter how hard they try, true rationality may be impossible. We never really know what we believe or feel, so how can we tell others these things in truth. And how with others can we together reach understandings based on truths which are secretly uncertainties which are based on knowledge that is superficial at best. Nations work like people. People may feel pain and never know the cause, and it will take others examinations to uncover the truth, but this does not change the reality of the afflicted. Knowing changes nothing, having the power and will to change does, but is worthless without the knowledge. So somehow we need others to better live ourselves, but by the same token, others can lead to the opposite of that which may be considered living better. The door is self, and the key choice. The lock is invisible, and may not even exist, but for some it holds the door firm and unwavering, and others not at all.
Do you use your key, have you found the lock, dare you touch the door.
Coward.
The first step to growth is change, stop rationalizing the reasons not to, and just make it happen.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Theme Song and Recap
I think I've found my new theme song. Somehow I feel like I have known this song, or perhaps it sounds just 80's enough to remind me of memories I have long since forgotten. Either way, it rocks... Or perhaps its on guitar hero and I just don't remember playing it since I have been occupied with other rockin' tunes... But look what new retro brand of awesome I found... But then again, maybe I am not cool enough for such a cool song... But rather too nerdy... That is where good ol' mario paint comes in... ;)
Well, it's the perfect setup, for the perfect fall. So I figure why not. In the last post I stated that my Yin may have been found, but is that a good thing? Let me explain. She, like me, has concentrated her degree on folklore and mythology. Though she did not also concentrate on medieval and renaissance literature, she acts in renaissance fairs. She is in the process of getting her masters in education to teach... I am looking into this process. Already the resemblance is uncanny. First off, who the hell focuses on folklore and mythology? I guess the people who also study medieval and renaissance stuff since I have known a few in my time. But of that who goes on to teach? Well, I have hard that most people think that the only thing that one can do with an english degree is teach, so in a closed minded sort of way it makes sense, but I do not fancy myself a teacher, nor will I if I end up teaching. I am and forever shall be a Warrior-Poet, an artist of sword and pen, a writer and an inverter and a dreamer... and a lover too if fate would have it. But though I fill with self doubt and expectations of failure, one must have dreams to live on. Soft beautiful things that keep one going.
...ridiculous...
Well, it's the perfect setup, for the perfect fall. So I figure why not. In the last post I stated that my Yin may have been found, but is that a good thing? Let me explain. She, like me, has concentrated her degree on folklore and mythology. Though she did not also concentrate on medieval and renaissance literature, she acts in renaissance fairs. She is in the process of getting her masters in education to teach... I am looking into this process. Already the resemblance is uncanny. First off, who the hell focuses on folklore and mythology? I guess the people who also study medieval and renaissance stuff since I have known a few in my time. But of that who goes on to teach? Well, I have hard that most people think that the only thing that one can do with an english degree is teach, so in a closed minded sort of way it makes sense, but I do not fancy myself a teacher, nor will I if I end up teaching. I am and forever shall be a Warrior-Poet, an artist of sword and pen, a writer and an inverter and a dreamer... and a lover too if fate would have it. But though I fill with self doubt and expectations of failure, one must have dreams to live on. Soft beautiful things that keep one going.
...ridiculous...
Friday, January 16, 2009
Writing My Own References
The past few days have been a doozy. Last night we said goodbye to our New Mexico Tech friend, and today here I bid farewell to a loyal reader as she heads back to school. Last night was classic. Myself and the core group met at Amphora's for dinner to send our robot buddy off.
Throughout dinner I was the instigator, (what I do best) you know, that guy you play Jenga with who takes blocks from the bottom of the tower so that it will collapse on its own when next you touch it. After dinner was the best part. We were driving out of the parking lot and our robot friend had not turned his lights on. He followed us for about a block while the rest of us in the soccer-mom van affectionately named "Margret" and driven by the E.E. Asshole while we laughed at him, joking that he would get pulled over as it was roughly 10pm by that point. Well wouldnt you know it, next car to turn in behind him was an undercover cop. Those of us in Margret called the robot to warn him that he had a cop on his tail and his lights were off, but by the time we turned in to the next parking lot it was too late. Frantically screaming "YOU HAVE A COP ON YOUR ASS, TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON!" was not enough, as the cop turned on his fancy shmancy blue blinkeys and pulled in behind the robot. The rest of us were rolling over in laughter as the robot bent his head in sorrow, the short Asian cop got out of his car, looked at us and began to crack up. The cop then proceeded to ask the robot if his lights worked and for his license. The robot said "Sorry sir, it's my dad's car and I'm flying back to New Mexico tomorrow morning," while he handed the cop his license, the cop then exclaimed "New Mexico? This doesn't look like you!" I then yelled out the window "Yeah, here in Virginia we don't respect licenses from other states!" which in turn lead the cop to turn to the robot and tell him "Yeah, don't you know about the two state distance limit?" Needless to say, the robot was confused, but the cop simply cracked up and walked back to his car and drove off. That guy rocked.
Also in the past few days I learned of a pending engagement between other friends of mine, and I wish them Joy and Luck in the process. Unfortunately it's secret, but at least it's not as questionable as the situation with Wheelz right now. But that seems to be working itself out, so more power to them. On a slightly depressing note it turns out my non-date date, though it may have gone as well as I had felt it did, seems to be a normal pattern for that girl as she often goes on great dates, then never really follows up. In a related way though I have heard about a chick who may in fact be a female clone of me. My yin if you will, so I'm trying to arrange a meeting (zuzzamen) with the hopes that it does not bring about the destruction of everything everywhere. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. That is what could happen.
But now on to the body of the post, what it is named for. I am currently fighting the county for my subbing info, so that I may begin immediately. To do this many things are being done in a non-traditional way, as much of the info is being rushed and some corners cut. In the spirit of this, my main sponsor and mentor in this process has recommendation that I write my own personal character reference for him, and then he will sign it and agree with whatever I say. Needless to say (though I'll say it anyways) this is ironically hilarious. Forging a character reference. It's great, but technically as long as he signs and dates it, as he needs to, then he agrees with it and it technically counts. It's just funny, it's like lying about lying while taking a polygraph... Or in other words, what I do every day.
This post has been written on the new beauty known as Darkhorse, my new laptop, thanks to some gracious friends and some snooty companies. In the next week I'll be transferring things over from Draco who gained his stuff from Nihilis, and so the circular chain of life continues...
Throughout dinner I was the instigator, (what I do best) you know, that guy you play Jenga with who takes blocks from the bottom of the tower so that it will collapse on its own when next you touch it. After dinner was the best part. We were driving out of the parking lot and our robot friend had not turned his lights on. He followed us for about a block while the rest of us in the soccer-mom van affectionately named "Margret" and driven by the E.E. Asshole while we laughed at him, joking that he would get pulled over as it was roughly 10pm by that point. Well wouldnt you know it, next car to turn in behind him was an undercover cop. Those of us in Margret called the robot to warn him that he had a cop on his tail and his lights were off, but by the time we turned in to the next parking lot it was too late. Frantically screaming "YOU HAVE A COP ON YOUR ASS, TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON!" was not enough, as the cop turned on his fancy shmancy blue blinkeys and pulled in behind the robot. The rest of us were rolling over in laughter as the robot bent his head in sorrow, the short Asian cop got out of his car, looked at us and began to crack up. The cop then proceeded to ask the robot if his lights worked and for his license. The robot said "Sorry sir, it's my dad's car and I'm flying back to New Mexico tomorrow morning," while he handed the cop his license, the cop then exclaimed "New Mexico? This doesn't look like you!" I then yelled out the window "Yeah, here in Virginia we don't respect licenses from other states!" which in turn lead the cop to turn to the robot and tell him "Yeah, don't you know about the two state distance limit?" Needless to say, the robot was confused, but the cop simply cracked up and walked back to his car and drove off. That guy rocked.
Also in the past few days I learned of a pending engagement between other friends of mine, and I wish them Joy and Luck in the process. Unfortunately it's secret, but at least it's not as questionable as the situation with Wheelz right now. But that seems to be working itself out, so more power to them. On a slightly depressing note it turns out my non-date date, though it may have gone as well as I had felt it did, seems to be a normal pattern for that girl as she often goes on great dates, then never really follows up. In a related way though I have heard about a chick who may in fact be a female clone of me. My yin if you will, so I'm trying to arrange a meeting (zuzzamen) with the hopes that it does not bring about the destruction of everything everywhere. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. That is what could happen.
But now on to the body of the post, what it is named for. I am currently fighting the county for my subbing info, so that I may begin immediately. To do this many things are being done in a non-traditional way, as much of the info is being rushed and some corners cut. In the spirit of this, my main sponsor and mentor in this process has recommendation that I write my own personal character reference for him, and then he will sign it and agree with whatever I say. Needless to say (though I'll say it anyways) this is ironically hilarious. Forging a character reference. It's great, but technically as long as he signs and dates it, as he needs to, then he agrees with it and it technically counts. It's just funny, it's like lying about lying while taking a polygraph... Or in other words, what I do every day.
This post has been written on the new beauty known as Darkhorse, my new laptop, thanks to some gracious friends and some snooty companies. In the next week I'll be transferring things over from Draco who gained his stuff from Nihilis, and so the circular chain of life continues...
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
It was the Best of Times
Now Tuesday, that was a day. A day of days. Probably one of the best days I have ever experienced. On tuesday I learned that my credits went through and I am graduating. On tuesday I got contacted by the county to do teaching work for them. On tuesday I met with a nice young lady for lunch and had two hours of a great conversation to get to know her better. On tuesday there was burger night. This was a good day.
On monday I spent some time with some other audio-technicians going over the structural acoustics of the primary building I work in on weekends... Yeah, they basically decided that it is the worst one they have ever seen... Also I had lunch with my friend and employer, and worked on screening in a deck. The lunch went well, and the deck is now almost done.
Well, thats about it, I really can't complain much when there is nothing to complain about... Oh and I now tentatively have an illustrator for my book. :)
On monday I spent some time with some other audio-technicians going over the structural acoustics of the primary building I work in on weekends... Yeah, they basically decided that it is the worst one they have ever seen... Also I had lunch with my friend and employer, and worked on screening in a deck. The lunch went well, and the deck is now almost done.
Well, thats about it, I really can't complain much when there is nothing to complain about... Oh and I now tentatively have an illustrator for my book. :)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Woah There Buddy
The past week has been full of stuff, and the next one is just as full. In the past week I have done many things, included therein has been considering changing my religion (which I need to fix now), considering changing my life, trying new things, trying old things, going places, talking to people, trying to make sure my credits transfer for graduation, building, destroying, and of course, gaming.
I had spent much time in the past week trying to ship a package from Cali, as well as emailing a priest back and forth about the Catholic Church and our personal meetings. I also spent a decent amount of time trying to finalize the training for my replacements in the sound balcony, but due to the current circumstances, I'll have more time to train them.
So here is the short of the long of things, I decided that I had to do one of those "do or die" things to either move on with my life and get past an old relationship, or to learn to do what I must to try to rebuild it. Well, fortunately and unfortunately it did not work out. This is fortunate as it proves to me that there is nothing I can ever do as a person to get another chance, which helps me to move on rather than holding on to a hope of something that may never happen. It is unfortunate because I gave it a lot of thought, and discovered that I would do anything in my power to fix the problems to start again. Well, somehow a good deal of closure happens when you realize that instead of a sliver of hope, there is none. But also on the bright side, this sort of closure means that regrets mostly disappear as a blaze of glory often does for the soul, and that a subtle and healthy friendship may yet be capable of growing. I guess only time will tell, but I can say that I have not slept this well in a long time.
Also, myself and a good friend went to a local restaurant to see another friend. We met Jaimie (check the motherland blog) there as she has been a kind soul to us for a good long time. And as usual, just like in the movies, we got relationship advice from our old waitstaff girl connections. This trend, as funny as I find it, has happened before, and will continue as we enjoy and trust them, and they are girls who exist outside the realm of our social network and are thus unaffected by things the way we are. Good times.
Well, I have a meeting with my old boss tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.
Later Dudes
I had spent much time in the past week trying to ship a package from Cali, as well as emailing a priest back and forth about the Catholic Church and our personal meetings. I also spent a decent amount of time trying to finalize the training for my replacements in the sound balcony, but due to the current circumstances, I'll have more time to train them.
So here is the short of the long of things, I decided that I had to do one of those "do or die" things to either move on with my life and get past an old relationship, or to learn to do what I must to try to rebuild it. Well, fortunately and unfortunately it did not work out. This is fortunate as it proves to me that there is nothing I can ever do as a person to get another chance, which helps me to move on rather than holding on to a hope of something that may never happen. It is unfortunate because I gave it a lot of thought, and discovered that I would do anything in my power to fix the problems to start again. Well, somehow a good deal of closure happens when you realize that instead of a sliver of hope, there is none. But also on the bright side, this sort of closure means that regrets mostly disappear as a blaze of glory often does for the soul, and that a subtle and healthy friendship may yet be capable of growing. I guess only time will tell, but I can say that I have not slept this well in a long time.
Also, myself and a good friend went to a local restaurant to see another friend. We met Jaimie (check the motherland blog) there as she has been a kind soul to us for a good long time. And as usual, just like in the movies, we got relationship advice from our old waitstaff girl connections. This trend, as funny as I find it, has happened before, and will continue as we enjoy and trust them, and they are girls who exist outside the realm of our social network and are thus unaffected by things the way we are. Good times.
Well, I have a meeting with my old boss tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep.
Later Dudes
Friday, January 9, 2009
Old Friends
Phew, gone through a week and a half of every hour of my day scheduled to hang out with one person or another, and still have another week to go. It's been good to catch up with old friends. Earlier today... ok so last night technically I ate with an old friend from mason and we were able to bounce creative writing ideas across the table like a ping-pong ball. The night before that I had the privilege of eating with an old teacher and current mentor. We spent over three hours talking and were graciously taken care of by a good friend and a great waitress who writes the blog known as "The Motherland"... or was formerly known as "The Motherland" I don't remember if it changed back. Well, tomorrow is actually almost a normal day, as is saturday, but sunday through thursday are filled with scheduling obligations to other friends. Otherwise, life is still tough, I've had two people ask me when I'll be getting a real job in the past week. The book is coming along, I've almost edited up through chapter six, and its wonderful. I am writing at my own pace, and only writing what feels natural, and so far, rather than just a few good lines here and there sprinkled over a makeshift story, it feels like a solid story, with solid dialogue, and is not dull or dry for any long stretch.
Well, I'm off to either write more, or play some games to chill. There is a direct spelling error here, let's see if my online editors pick it up. :P
Well, I'm off to either write more, or play some games to chill. There is a direct spelling error here, let's see if my online editors pick it up. :P
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Back to the Furniture
... Gotcha... Well, let me begin my rant by recanting the deus ex machina of my so called life. So things are moving, brain is grinding to a halt. Heart still pumping as far as I know, but I haven't checked recently so no one knows for sure. Since I write as I breathe, it is no excuse for life, as this could be my last breath captured in ones and zeros on line. Tonight I eat with an old friend. Earlier today my Mom got her tooth fixed, as a couple of weeks ago she was eating some roasted peanuts and broke a molar in half. And now here I sit, thinking about not thinking, the current of life running before me, pulling me along to places I am not yet ready to go. Decisions get made for me without being made, truly a deus ex. My writing continues, I have edited up to chapter five now. Also I have a good prospect for an illustrator, and have received much encouragement from people recently to write this series. Perhaps an author and writer is what I am meant to become. What is the difference anyways? I have never been sure. Wikipedia tells me the two are nearly synonymous, but still maintain difference. So this was today's short. I feel like crap, perhaps I'm getting sick, but it may also be related to something I ate. The past week has been spent intensively on line responding to emails, as it turns out when you graduate, you become popular... more so than before. So a warning to the readers, if you even think you are a little popular, after college, you will fell like a rockstar. That comes with all of the ups and downs of the business.
Now I must hunt down season 8 episode 1 and 2 of scrubs, as I missed them last night.
Cheers!
I feel like an old prophet, the first of twelve perhaps...But one cor thi eig.
I caught the missed episodes... good stuff. I'll link them for those others who missed them.
S8E1
S8E2
...Thats how I see myself going some day...
Now I must hunt down season 8 episode 1 and 2 of scrubs, as I missed them last night.
Cheers!
I feel like an old prophet, the first of twelve perhaps...But one cor thi eig.
I caught the missed episodes... good stuff. I'll link them for those others who missed them.
S8E1
S8E2
...Thats how I see myself going some day...
The Future
One more week to go. I am being tested and by the time this week is up the results will be in. Within this next week my life will be decided. Herein my job, my faith, my future and my life will be decided. I have written three posts now that exist only as drafts. With so much teetering on the edge, I do not wish to tip the scales, but rather shall try to be still and let the universe be, as even if i fought with all i had, it would still mean the same thing. I have heard it said that when God closes the door, he always opens a window. It is just up to us to take a moment and stop ramming our heads into the door which will never give, sit back and look up to the light of the window.
Also this post allows me to title the next one in a wonderful punny way... thats right you probably guessed it already... but I'm not telling until I post it... so na-na-na-na, na-na!
Also this post allows me to title the next one in a wonderful punny way... thats right you probably guessed it already... but I'm not telling until I post it... so na-na-na-na, na-na!
Alice in Chains
I found myself in the wood, my path had ended and there I stood. Before me there lay two separate ways. To the left I saw the life I loved, one I wanted to have but could not live with if I did. The second road ran round the wood and in it I saw the live I wanted to live, yet could not have. I look at the choices before my feet and feel the force of fate's long call. To which path will I soon meet, I do not yet rightly know at all. But what I do know is that on one path I cannot go for although I love it so, return of that love can never grow. The other path I see holds a special uncertainty, and a long dry wait for me. And though this rhyme has no justice for its time, its truth goes beyond the work I must give.
One more strike the umpire says, one more to go before I'm dead.
I can not, if you could would you?
I feel that in the next couple days the explanations to come will make all of this sensible rather than as senseless as they sound. Though two paths exist, and both could be taken, I do not believe in both.
One more strike the umpire says, one more to go before I'm dead.
I can not, if you could would you?
I feel that in the next couple days the explanations to come will make all of this sensible rather than as senseless as they sound. Though two paths exist, and both could be taken, I do not believe in both.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Potato Ejection
Today is not over, but I have enough to write about already, so in the interest of wasting time, I shall do so. The morning began with a decent list of things to do. I was going to shower, shave, burn some cd's, and generically get some more stuff done. I arose earlier than I had set my alarm for so it seemed like I had a good chance of getting all of these done. I started up the compy, began the burn process, and it froze. I thought it was just taking a long time to burn, so I left it alone for a few hours while I met with the person whom I was burning them for. Well, after getting back, it still has not moved, so its time to start over.
Before leaving I started writing (normally a bad idea) as I had the song "A whale of a Tale" from the old 20,000 leagues under the sea stuck in my head. So I studied the lyrics and wrote a few of my own. They are... quite offensive to be sincere, but based on my analysis of the original song, the verses are meant to hold a comedic irony that is a touch offensive. I have not yet decided if I will include my new and updated version. So I shall leave it up to the readers. Post a comment to this note and I'll edit it to include my version of the song. It is vaguely based on my life, but as the original, it is a "flapping fish tale" so everything is blown out of proportion so much that its really only as true as the names of people I stole and dated, and some minor qualities of those people, but the actions, and names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My meeting was a tad confusing, as normally when I arrange with a friend to hang out for the day that means for the day, but whatever, I've been worse than confused before. The meeting was good, my manhood was insulted as normal, but thats fine as I don't even have to bring up the counterpoint to make an insult about it. So I might write poetry and sing songs and write blogs, but I am no girl. And now with recent decisions being made about life the true test of manhood has already begun. Now, I'm off to watch a manly movie... perhaps Mulan... or Beauty and the Beast (you know I still can't spell beauty without looking it up, its sad)
So I got home, found my poor frozen computer, fixed it up, gave it some love, and nuked myself soup. The only problem with this choice was that there were no appropriately sized bowls to do so in. So I improvised... just to warn those of you who are foolish enough to follow in my footsteps, its a bad idea... While cooking the bowl ejected a potato piece right through my makeshift top... The ejected potato piece continued to ricochet around the inside of the microwave, spreading chunky soupy goodness everywhere it went. Easy to clean up, but next time, I'm using a real bowl and a real top.
SWEET THE ROBIN HOOD SONG!!!!!!
I loved that movie as a kid... and still do... that's right I admitted it. (and never before did I realize that this whole intro scene is vaguely a rip-off of the medieval Canterbury Tales depictions.)
**************************************************************************************
(below are my new lyrics, again it is in the spirit of being a fish tale, so you know how the minnow becomes a great white shark that was twenty two feet long... yeah, just about none of this actually happened, and that which did is so exaggerated and stretched out of proportion that it barely resembles more than my various funny relationship failures.)
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Blonde Butch Barbra
Read a lot of Gertrude Stein
When we'd kiss she'd say that she was always mine
When we touched I feared for my own life
Blow me down and pick me up
She already had a wife
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was mustache Sally
Seemed to have some facial hair
When we kissed I convinced myself it wasn't there
When we hugged I felt a little prick
Blow me down and pick me up, that girl she had a dick
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Big Bones Birtha
Must have been at least seven foot four
When we hugged she'd pick me up off the floor
When we'd do it, it felt a little wrong
Blow me down and pick me up, her butt was four feet long
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Short Stack Suzy
Told me that she was bipolar
When we ate I felt a little like a soldier
When our meal was finally about done
Blow me down and pick me up then she pulled out a gun
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Milk Shake Megan
She had boobs the size of beach balls
When I touched them, I could swear I thought they were false
But when I saw them I found to my delight
Blow me down and pick me up, those boobs knocked me out right
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Gothic Ginger
She had eyes just like the moon
When I saw them, I always felt I had to swoon
Just before we made love, I found to my own fright
Blow me down and pick me up, she passed out for the night
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Almost Ally
Loved her more than I could miss her
When we'd sally, I always wished that I could kiss her
In my thoughts after years she is still there
If I could make her smile the rest of her own life
Damn it all, you know what I'd do
I'd take her for my wife!
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo!
Before leaving I started writing (normally a bad idea) as I had the song "A whale of a Tale" from the old 20,000 leagues under the sea stuck in my head. So I studied the lyrics and wrote a few of my own. They are... quite offensive to be sincere, but based on my analysis of the original song, the verses are meant to hold a comedic irony that is a touch offensive. I have not yet decided if I will include my new and updated version. So I shall leave it up to the readers. Post a comment to this note and I'll edit it to include my version of the song. It is vaguely based on my life, but as the original, it is a "flapping fish tale" so everything is blown out of proportion so much that its really only as true as the names of people I stole and dated, and some minor qualities of those people, but the actions, and names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My meeting was a tad confusing, as normally when I arrange with a friend to hang out for the day that means for the day, but whatever, I've been worse than confused before. The meeting was good, my manhood was insulted as normal, but thats fine as I don't even have to bring up the counterpoint to make an insult about it. So I might write poetry and sing songs and write blogs, but I am no girl. And now with recent decisions being made about life the true test of manhood has already begun. Now, I'm off to watch a manly movie... perhaps Mulan... or Beauty and the Beast (you know I still can't spell beauty without looking it up, its sad)
So I got home, found my poor frozen computer, fixed it up, gave it some love, and nuked myself soup. The only problem with this choice was that there were no appropriately sized bowls to do so in. So I improvised... just to warn those of you who are foolish enough to follow in my footsteps, its a bad idea... While cooking the bowl ejected a potato piece right through my makeshift top... The ejected potato piece continued to ricochet around the inside of the microwave, spreading chunky soupy goodness everywhere it went. Easy to clean up, but next time, I'm using a real bowl and a real top.
SWEET THE ROBIN HOOD SONG!!!!!!
I loved that movie as a kid... and still do... that's right I admitted it. (and never before did I realize that this whole intro scene is vaguely a rip-off of the medieval Canterbury Tales depictions.)
**************************************************************************************
(below are my new lyrics, again it is in the spirit of being a fish tale, so you know how the minnow becomes a great white shark that was twenty two feet long... yeah, just about none of this actually happened, and that which did is so exaggerated and stretched out of proportion that it barely resembles more than my various funny relationship failures.)
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Blonde Butch Barbra
Read a lot of Gertrude Stein
When we'd kiss she'd say that she was always mine
When we touched I feared for my own life
Blow me down and pick me up
She already had a wife
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was mustache Sally
Seemed to have some facial hair
When we kissed I convinced myself it wasn't there
When we hugged I felt a little prick
Blow me down and pick me up, that girl she had a dick
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Big Bones Birtha
Must have been at least seven foot four
When we hugged she'd pick me up off the floor
When we'd do it, it felt a little wrong
Blow me down and pick me up, her butt was four feet long
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Short Stack Suzy
Told me that she was bipolar
When we ate I felt a little like a soldier
When our meal was finally about done
Blow me down and pick me up then she pulled out a gun
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Milk Shake Megan
She had boobs the size of beach balls
When I touched them, I could swear I thought they were false
But when I saw them I found to my delight
Blow me down and pick me up, those boobs knocked me out right
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Gothic Ginger
She had eyes just like the moon
When I saw them, I always felt I had to swoon
Just before we made love, I found to my own fright
Blow me down and pick me up, she passed out for the night
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Almost Ally
Loved her more than I could miss her
When we'd sally, I always wished that I could kiss her
In my thoughts after years she is still there
If I could make her smile the rest of her own life
Damn it all, you know what I'd do
I'd take her for my wife!
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Goralczyckisms
Collected herein are several of the entertaining stories lived and recited by the famous robot of New Mexico Tech.
living with mr. (dean of engeneering department) is like living with syfalis, it hurts every day. living with goralczyck is like living with herpies, it never goes away.
the supreme chanceler of the senate, and the formation of the jedi council
rabies bat, had box of vaccination mailed to his house, box had a card reader and needed to validate the monitary transaction before it would open.
dorm room mold problem, to get rid of the mold they paint over it. he did volumetric calculations, to find out how much ajax is needed to produce enough chlorene gas to fill the room, got a resperator, later realized the resperator is not rated for chlorine gas. later his chest starts hurting, then checks the respirator, then goes to the hospitle, to find out that he had almost killed himself and had perminantly reduced his lung capacity
living with mr. (dean of engeneering department) is like living with syfalis, it hurts every day. living with goralczyck is like living with herpies, it never goes away.
the supreme chanceler of the senate, and the formation of the jedi council
rabies bat, had box of vaccination mailed to his house, box had a card reader and needed to validate the monitary transaction before it would open.
dorm room mold problem, to get rid of the mold they paint over it. he did volumetric calculations, to find out how much ajax is needed to produce enough chlorene gas to fill the room, got a resperator, later realized the resperator is not rated for chlorine gas. later his chest starts hurting, then checks the respirator, then goes to the hospitle, to find out that he had almost killed himself and had perminantly reduced his lung capacity
Saturday, January 3, 2009
life is like...
It has been the standard occurrence around the house these past two weeks that somehow just about every toilet is clogged or malfunctioning in some other way. This situation is unusual because, well, normally in a span of two weeks the entire house does not have such problems so many times. My parents blame my younger brother and his friends. But personally I also blame my sister's plunging practices. Plunging is not a hard thing to do, you either use it to push or pull depending on how the clog is seated, just takes a few good forceful motions, and bam, problem solved.
But all of this talk and thinking about life and clogged toilets got me thinking about mario. I think he knew what was really going down. See, his princess was taken away and the first place he visited was the bathroom. Smart man. Not only did he go there first (probably to get some thinking done) but he jumped right into the pipes. I can justify that his first action was heading to the bathroom because stage 2 of "super mario brothers" occurs in the sewers/underground after mario squats over a pipe. But in this seeming insanity and tangential offshoot, there is wisdom. Sometimes you just have to wade through the crap of life before you can get to the good stuff. And like swimming in cold water, although your balls will soon become true internal organs jumping in all the way is a better first step than trying to slowly wade in.
Somehow today I ended up with quite a bit more time free than I had expected, and am thinking that it would be good to use towards continuing the book. It's been a while since I've done direct writing, as I have spent the past month or so building thematic modes into the overarching storyline. The first step will be the most painful though, I need to re-write my first few chapters to make them more... reader friendly. If you read my blog then you know that my writing is... long winded at best. And when middle and high school aged kids get a hold of it I'm sure it will grow from annoyingly long to impossibly frustrating. That and I have a feeling that I need to really get working on this. The current state of things is odd to my head. I keep feeling like I am on winter break and will be back at school in a few weeks. But in reality I am done with college and until I return for my masters I have no immediate need to return.
Honestly though I do fear the completion and release of the book. The scene shows CSM Spender's reaction to publishing his first story. The episode carried an undercurrent over its years of depiction that the man was writing a novel series, and the clip picks up right after he reads the first installment he gets published. They changed the ending, after he decided to give up smoking and possibly even his bloody business as a murderer, the chance he has for another life is yanked away. How will I react to criticism, editors, and publishing processes? or worse yet, public opinion. To some extent I fear failure and criticism, but my most present fear is not living up to the high expectations I and others have for me. I bring this up as proof, that in the past month as more and more people learn that I am writing they begin to follow a standard pattern of something like, "You studied medieval literature and folklore in college right, and now your writing a fantasy? Cool so then you will be the next Tolkein, since that's kind of what he did..." Jokes along those lines have also began to spring up.
Not that I have anything against the man, I highly respect his scholarly work and delight in his philological pursuits. But frankly I don't care much for his writing style, or format. He may in fact be more long winded than I, albeit easier to read in many cases. In the past I have had to study his works and frankly although I love the stories, I hate the way he tells them. Granted he is not as bad as Milton, but my classic Tolkein joke is, "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit, and this hobbit had many things in his home. In the entry hall alone, among other things, he had a splendid book shelf which held on it many books. These books ranged in size and color but were all finely bound and decorated with golden scrolling scripts and various died color covers. In the first of these books were recorded the events of Buffo Baggins, who happened to be the great-great-grandfather of Bilbo Baggins, and the great-great-great-grandfather of Frodo Baggins and even still the great-great-great-great-great grandfather of Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. He lived his life in Yale and in that time had four children who all had children of their own. Not much happened in his life and no one knows in what year he was born or when he died but most are reasonably sure that he did so. In the second of these books were the collected tales of the formation of Hobbiton. In the third... oh, but where was I... What was I talking about again... Oh yeah, the story and personage of Bilbo Baggins..."
I'm sure sharing my public feelings and imitation of Tolkein will come back to bite me, but those are my feelings. I respect the man and wish to emulate him in many ways (I have followed a similar path of study, from what I know of his life I respect and despise him as I do myself, I understand many of his life decisions and I feel he was a great man who I wish I could have sat with for a time to discuss Welsh mythology, Norse runes, or Celtic poetry), but writing style is not one. But then again I can only hope that someone will one day say the same about me as I have about him.
Well, I have wasted enough time here, my day still holds work to be done and my week will hopefully be full and fun. I have decided to realize that a good friend of mine is in town and we need to spend as much time together as we can before school and work and life gets back in the way. In fact I have several friends on my list to meet with, but one takes prescience over the others.
As another one of my name has said in closing before,
Cheers!
"And if you think you've won; You never saw me change; The game that we have been playing."
But all of this talk and thinking about life and clogged toilets got me thinking about mario. I think he knew what was really going down. See, his princess was taken away and the first place he visited was the bathroom. Smart man. Not only did he go there first (probably to get some thinking done) but he jumped right into the pipes. I can justify that his first action was heading to the bathroom because stage 2 of "super mario brothers" occurs in the sewers/underground after mario squats over a pipe. But in this seeming insanity and tangential offshoot, there is wisdom. Sometimes you just have to wade through the crap of life before you can get to the good stuff. And like swimming in cold water, although your balls will soon become true internal organs jumping in all the way is a better first step than trying to slowly wade in.
Somehow today I ended up with quite a bit more time free than I had expected, and am thinking that it would be good to use towards continuing the book. It's been a while since I've done direct writing, as I have spent the past month or so building thematic modes into the overarching storyline. The first step will be the most painful though, I need to re-write my first few chapters to make them more... reader friendly. If you read my blog then you know that my writing is... long winded at best. And when middle and high school aged kids get a hold of it I'm sure it will grow from annoyingly long to impossibly frustrating. That and I have a feeling that I need to really get working on this. The current state of things is odd to my head. I keep feeling like I am on winter break and will be back at school in a few weeks. But in reality I am done with college and until I return for my masters I have no immediate need to return.
Honestly though I do fear the completion and release of the book. The scene shows CSM Spender's reaction to publishing his first story. The episode carried an undercurrent over its years of depiction that the man was writing a novel series, and the clip picks up right after he reads the first installment he gets published. They changed the ending, after he decided to give up smoking and possibly even his bloody business as a murderer, the chance he has for another life is yanked away. How will I react to criticism, editors, and publishing processes? or worse yet, public opinion. To some extent I fear failure and criticism, but my most present fear is not living up to the high expectations I and others have for me. I bring this up as proof, that in the past month as more and more people learn that I am writing they begin to follow a standard pattern of something like, "You studied medieval literature and folklore in college right, and now your writing a fantasy? Cool so then you will be the next Tolkein, since that's kind of what he did..." Jokes along those lines have also began to spring up.
Not that I have anything against the man, I highly respect his scholarly work and delight in his philological pursuits. But frankly I don't care much for his writing style, or format. He may in fact be more long winded than I, albeit easier to read in many cases. In the past I have had to study his works and frankly although I love the stories, I hate the way he tells them. Granted he is not as bad as Milton, but my classic Tolkein joke is, "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit, and this hobbit had many things in his home. In the entry hall alone, among other things, he had a splendid book shelf which held on it many books. These books ranged in size and color but were all finely bound and decorated with golden scrolling scripts and various died color covers. In the first of these books were recorded the events of Buffo Baggins, who happened to be the great-great-grandfather of Bilbo Baggins, and the great-great-great-grandfather of Frodo Baggins and even still the great-great-great-great-great grandfather of Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. He lived his life in Yale and in that time had four children who all had children of their own. Not much happened in his life and no one knows in what year he was born or when he died but most are reasonably sure that he did so. In the second of these books were the collected tales of the formation of Hobbiton. In the third... oh, but where was I... What was I talking about again... Oh yeah, the story and personage of Bilbo Baggins..."
I'm sure sharing my public feelings and imitation of Tolkein will come back to bite me, but those are my feelings. I respect the man and wish to emulate him in many ways (I have followed a similar path of study, from what I know of his life I respect and despise him as I do myself, I understand many of his life decisions and I feel he was a great man who I wish I could have sat with for a time to discuss Welsh mythology, Norse runes, or Celtic poetry), but writing style is not one. But then again I can only hope that someone will one day say the same about me as I have about him.
Well, I have wasted enough time here, my day still holds work to be done and my week will hopefully be full and fun. I have decided to realize that a good friend of mine is in town and we need to spend as much time together as we can before school and work and life gets back in the way. In fact I have several friends on my list to meet with, but one takes prescience over the others.
As another one of my name has said in closing before,
Cheers!
"And if you think you've won; You never saw me change; The game that we have been playing."
Friday, January 2, 2009
The Road is Long
...with many a winding turn... So on a more positive than reflective note (reflection always ends up macabre and depressing for me somehow) I just finished all my application stuff for substitute teaching. I only have but one more step left now before I start making the mad money and going to the parties with the movie stars (sorry I just love that picture). The process itself consisted of the usual resume and recommendation stuff, but also included an intro servery and a personality test. I suppose they don't want too many crazies corrupting the youth. I however answered every question honestly, so I probably will not get the job, that or I will and later will drink my share of hemlock.
In local sports it would appear that the local sports team is making a comeback. This unexpected move caught the fans off guard as most people had thought that the team had disbanded. Although such a statement is not entirely inaccurate it should be noted that no sea lions were harmed during the game.
In movies I caught Adam Sandler's new one called "Bedtime Stories." This is a cute tale, and definitely actuially possibly worth seeing (I say that because movies are so expensive, but if you have time and money and patience to blow, its worth seeing). The story itself is cute, albeit perfectly thematically predictable to any student of folk themes. But it is cute.
Now it is time for another shameless plug... I mean quick word... from our sponsor.
Alright, that's the news in a speed read. I have been your host Dave, stay tuned for Scrubs.
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addendum to "why not"
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All things considered, I think that I could not have asked for a better beginning to the new year. Such a thing will be hard to top. Good friends who are family to me. And though I did not sleep it was not due to an excess of stress, or noise, or cold. As the good doctor said, “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Still taking into account that it was freezing, there was noise, the sun was rising and the stresses of a new life weigh on me hourly. I am now officially without any form of insurance policy as far as the newest developments of joining the real world and leaving the pond of college behind. Though, "I should know who I am by now... I remember the sound" but, "tell her not to go, I ain't holding on no more, tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time..."
In local sports it would appear that the local sports team is making a comeback. This unexpected move caught the fans off guard as most people had thought that the team had disbanded. Although such a statement is not entirely inaccurate it should be noted that no sea lions were harmed during the game.
In movies I caught Adam Sandler's new one called "Bedtime Stories." This is a cute tale, and definitely actuially possibly worth seeing (I say that because movies are so expensive, but if you have time and money and patience to blow, its worth seeing). The story itself is cute, albeit perfectly thematically predictable to any student of folk themes. But it is cute.
Now it is time for another shameless plug... I mean quick word... from our sponsor.
Alright, that's the news in a speed read. I have been your host Dave, stay tuned for Scrubs.
----------------------------------------------------------------
addendum to "why not"
----------------------------------------------------------------
All things considered, I think that I could not have asked for a better beginning to the new year. Such a thing will be hard to top. Good friends who are family to me. And though I did not sleep it was not due to an excess of stress, or noise, or cold. As the good doctor said, “You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Still taking into account that it was freezing, there was noise, the sun was rising and the stresses of a new life weigh on me hourly. I am now officially without any form of insurance policy as far as the newest developments of joining the real world and leaving the pond of college behind. Though, "I should know who I am by now... I remember the sound" but, "tell her not to go, I ain't holding on no more, tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time..."
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Why Not?
I have seen fire, and I have seen rain. I have seen sunny days that I thought would never end, I've seen lonely times that I could not find a friend, but I'd always thought...
As the new year begins I figured I'd do a bit of reflection, which is usually a bad thing, and some vocalized pondering. See, this is my element, here I can think out my argument, and though it may be late, it is more coherent than my on-the-spot reactions and thoughts.
To start new year's eve was good, I was privileged enough to spend it with some wonderful people. I had a good time, but hopefully provided enough entertainment as to not just be a jerk to everyone else. I have been feeling jerkish more and more often, but its not the type of jerk I wish to portray. See it is no secret that on occasion I "try" to be a jerk, but its one of those things where you catch yourself saying something mean or vain that just simply did not need to be said. But if those present will forgive me or if they will not, I still had a good time and hope they did too.
The reflection I am doing not even I truly understand. See it's like I'm looking at you through the glass, don't know how much time has passed, but all I know is that it feels like forever... And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home. But how much is real? I was able to spend some quality time (which is hard) with a friend who I had something of a falling out with years ago. We talked, and as seems to happen from time to time I got another version of the impetus as to our root problem. The why if you will. Additionally, as has been consistent, the "why" holds lasting effects in the present and is the reason that we can never go back.
It was odd, it was like myself and a friend started a journey together but not. For a while we walked together towards our destinations, which although were different could have existed along the same path. Somewhere along the way however we got separated by a thick and dark wood, something too great of an obstacle to allow us to continue. Both of us had different views as to how to get around this, there were several paths through, but the forest was so large there was no way around. We ended up taking different paths, headed towards the same eventual destination, but when I emerged from the wood my friend was still walking the path that was chosen, but what I had never realized is that though our destinations were the same, the two paths would never again meet, nor would they both end at the same place. Somewhere in the wood a stream trickled, and ever so slowly in twain it split the paths, becoming a river by the time we emerged from the wood. And now once again I have spotted traces of the other path, but it is far off and I fear my friend will not hear my calls, nor at this point will they want to.
It was odd, see I have always known the "why" but it always seemed like a problem that could have solutions. Though water is treacherous people still learn to swim, and with enough time and effort bridges can be built, but I fear it may be, just as it has always been, too little too late. Hearing the why that I knew in my heart somehow did not hurt or change anything. I suppose going so long without closure, it had formed a sort of closure within itself. The sad thing is, I'm not sure if I care. Some friends, indeed all friends are worth reaching out to to keep in your life, but if they do not reach back can you do anything? I guess the old romantic comedian side of me just wishes old wounds could heal with a witty and shockingly unimaginative act of fate that would force everything to work out and everyone to live happily ever after. But then I question this notion of "happily ever after" and though to my core I am a cynic and a skeptic, I have to believe that it can exist, for if I chose not to I don't think I could live.
As you can see this post is titled, "why not," and the inherent problem is other than asking I can do nothing. People will choose to do what they will, and it is only mine to do or die, and not so much to wonder why. I know that any argument I could try to bring up means nothing, because I cannot make decisions for others. You get so far into things like this that they pass you by and while your head is spinning they reach a point of critical mass where your actions no longer mean anything towards affecting the outcome. Frankly, it's a damn shame, and I wish things could be different. So I guess all I can do is hope that someone asks the same questions I do, and comprehends the weight of their meanings.
For if when A exists, B cannot, why can the formula not be re-written from the beginning? It would be hard work, and seem like a waste of time, but... why not?
There are many of you who I have missed opportunities to catch up with recently. And in fact, to my own demise, a good handful of you who I have missed opportunities to catch up with read this... Or, at least you say you do, this post is a bit long so I'm not sure how many will finish it.
But of you this year I ask forgiveness and mercy. To all of you I shall try to grant the same. I will try to always be there for you, all I ask is that you try the same. I love you guys, I really do. In you I find strength and direction, and through you I live. Things are never as simple as they seem, and every solution can cause more problems than it fixes. But this year, ask yourself, why not. I encourage you to do as I say, and not as I do. Go out and do the things that sound crazy, or that are difficult while you are able, take hold of those times that you will look back on with regrets, overcome your fears and make things happen. I would say try to do this in a rational way, but far too often that is used as an excuse against taking action that later leads to regret. When frankly, people understand that people make mistakes, and if they take to greatly to a first offense, well then at least you tried.
The great intellectual and philosopher Theodor Geisel once said, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Read his quotes, I find them all to be true.
As the new year begins I figured I'd do a bit of reflection, which is usually a bad thing, and some vocalized pondering. See, this is my element, here I can think out my argument, and though it may be late, it is more coherent than my on-the-spot reactions and thoughts.
To start new year's eve was good, I was privileged enough to spend it with some wonderful people. I had a good time, but hopefully provided enough entertainment as to not just be a jerk to everyone else. I have been feeling jerkish more and more often, but its not the type of jerk I wish to portray. See it is no secret that on occasion I "try" to be a jerk, but its one of those things where you catch yourself saying something mean or vain that just simply did not need to be said. But if those present will forgive me or if they will not, I still had a good time and hope they did too.
The reflection I am doing not even I truly understand. See it's like I'm looking at you through the glass, don't know how much time has passed, but all I know is that it feels like forever... And no one ever tells you that forever feels like home. But how much is real? I was able to spend some quality time (which is hard) with a friend who I had something of a falling out with years ago. We talked, and as seems to happen from time to time I got another version of the impetus as to our root problem. The why if you will. Additionally, as has been consistent, the "why" holds lasting effects in the present and is the reason that we can never go back.
It was odd, it was like myself and a friend started a journey together but not. For a while we walked together towards our destinations, which although were different could have existed along the same path. Somewhere along the way however we got separated by a thick and dark wood, something too great of an obstacle to allow us to continue. Both of us had different views as to how to get around this, there were several paths through, but the forest was so large there was no way around. We ended up taking different paths, headed towards the same eventual destination, but when I emerged from the wood my friend was still walking the path that was chosen, but what I had never realized is that though our destinations were the same, the two paths would never again meet, nor would they both end at the same place. Somewhere in the wood a stream trickled, and ever so slowly in twain it split the paths, becoming a river by the time we emerged from the wood. And now once again I have spotted traces of the other path, but it is far off and I fear my friend will not hear my calls, nor at this point will they want to.
It was odd, see I have always known the "why" but it always seemed like a problem that could have solutions. Though water is treacherous people still learn to swim, and with enough time and effort bridges can be built, but I fear it may be, just as it has always been, too little too late. Hearing the why that I knew in my heart somehow did not hurt or change anything. I suppose going so long without closure, it had formed a sort of closure within itself. The sad thing is, I'm not sure if I care. Some friends, indeed all friends are worth reaching out to to keep in your life, but if they do not reach back can you do anything? I guess the old romantic comedian side of me just wishes old wounds could heal with a witty and shockingly unimaginative act of fate that would force everything to work out and everyone to live happily ever after. But then I question this notion of "happily ever after" and though to my core I am a cynic and a skeptic, I have to believe that it can exist, for if I chose not to I don't think I could live.
As you can see this post is titled, "why not," and the inherent problem is other than asking I can do nothing. People will choose to do what they will, and it is only mine to do or die, and not so much to wonder why. I know that any argument I could try to bring up means nothing, because I cannot make decisions for others. You get so far into things like this that they pass you by and while your head is spinning they reach a point of critical mass where your actions no longer mean anything towards affecting the outcome. Frankly, it's a damn shame, and I wish things could be different. So I guess all I can do is hope that someone asks the same questions I do, and comprehends the weight of their meanings.
For if when A exists, B cannot, why can the formula not be re-written from the beginning? It would be hard work, and seem like a waste of time, but... why not?
There are many of you who I have missed opportunities to catch up with recently. And in fact, to my own demise, a good handful of you who I have missed opportunities to catch up with read this... Or, at least you say you do, this post is a bit long so I'm not sure how many will finish it.
But of you this year I ask forgiveness and mercy. To all of you I shall try to grant the same. I will try to always be there for you, all I ask is that you try the same. I love you guys, I really do. In you I find strength and direction, and through you I live. Things are never as simple as they seem, and every solution can cause more problems than it fixes. But this year, ask yourself, why not. I encourage you to do as I say, and not as I do. Go out and do the things that sound crazy, or that are difficult while you are able, take hold of those times that you will look back on with regrets, overcome your fears and make things happen. I would say try to do this in a rational way, but far too often that is used as an excuse against taking action that later leads to regret. When frankly, people understand that people make mistakes, and if they take to greatly to a first offense, well then at least you tried.
The great intellectual and philosopher Theodor Geisel once said, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Read his quotes, I find them all to be true.
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