I've Been thinking about the whole situation, and I believe that I've come to a conclusion. Although I know that I will regret it forever, I have to stop perusing the new girl entirely. I have been in a situation like her in the past. It took me a long time to become emotionally stable again and the last thing that would have helped would have been somebody perusing a romantic relationship with me. And so it is with a lowered head that I must stop. If I respect her at all I need to let her deal with this on her own. Although I know that in doing so some other guy will step in, and I will never again get a chance. It sucks really. I had decided that a chance like this really shouldn't / doesn't happen to me, and that I'd be a huge fool to pass it up. She is unique and wonderful. I had decided to not let myself lose, to not sabotage myself and finally let myself have happiness. But nice guys always loose right. And in being sensitive to the situation, that's what I'm doing, losing. Why does it often seem that the choice is between being right and being happy... and why do I always choose to be right? I know that I am taking that phrase out of context (normally when used it refers to arguments in a relationship, where you can either be right, or happy, but not both) but if you stretch the assumed meaning of the word "right" to mean "in the right" then I think it fits for actions outside of relationships too.
That being said, I have a new plan (who and what would I be if I did not plan) and remember that I always lie.
I spent the later part of my day hanging out with an old friend who I will be running sound for at his upcoming wedding. I feel left behind. I have more friends married and with children than I can now count on two hands, many with real jobs and places to live. Yet here I am, single, living with parents, substitute teaching... yeah...
So, I have decided that I'm done with the emotional abuse I've experienced in the past and shall seek a brighter future with a stronger backbone... just a personal note. And on that topic, if I choose to throw my life away (on games or teaching), at least it was my choice... But now, back to contingency planning... yes...
No comments:
Post a Comment