Landslide

Ah, back from the bachelor party. Kinda disappointed though, we all went camping... yup that was it. No strippers, no outrageous feats of strength, no obscene over-drinking, no gauntlets of manliness to run, no toasts and no roasts, just camping. It was, however, a good time to reflect on life... er, that is trying to get to sleep on the cold hard ground. It's about time for me to move on... to what I don't know, and I do know I've brought this up before.

I just want somebody to love. But see, it's not that simple, hopefully that person will love me back. Things at home are getting more and more rough. Aside from the ever constant "what did you get a degree for again?" that happens, I have the "You need to blah blah blah" more recently this has culminated in the need to buy/repair many of the things on my car, most predominantly of the bunch being new wheels. Now, over the weekend my parents bought high quality, long lasting expensive wheels for my sister's car. Yeah, the one that cost like 6x as much as mine, is 12 years newer, and she didn't pay for. Whereas my car, that I paid for and is 3/4 my age needs new stuff that I have to buy. Also two new laptops and a full ride to a private college. Not that I have brought this up, but seriously guys, I can feel the cold shoulder but look at the economy and my degree. I know I chose this life and it hasn't quite worked out yet but could'ya please not go out of your way to show me you don't like me any more. I mean, the constant nagging and bickering is a nice reminder of that, and the occasional interrogations and yelling for things I was never told to do in the first place but seriously.

So I believe it all comes down to somebody to love... or as I said before, some one who will actually love me back unconditionally, with a high paying job or not, just because I am me... no other reason. I think that would be a bright and encouraging life, to know that someone would care. But dare I ask more, what about a person who would go out of their own way for me... That's obviously too much as for the past week I've been sending an open invite to join me at a wedding. Now, both of my pre-arranged people bailed on me, and a third tried but could not change their work schedule. The first two I cast shame on, the third I thank for the effort but is that all? After all of the times in all of the ways that I have gone out of my way and set aside time to do things for people, and no one will come join me at a catered dinner? What the hell do I associate with you people for? Why do I do things for you if you don't care about me enough to return the favor. I didn't originally help you expecting anything in return, but doesn't that mean something to you that I did help you? I'm frustrated, people suck, even the good ones let you down. But of all the people I know, and I know many, and many of which I have personally helped, and I have helped many, only one dared respond to my cries of help. One. Shame.