The Perfect Funeral

Well, today was my birthday. Although, it felt more like a funeral. The day went nicely, it was quiet and simple. Mom made me a meal, I had a shot with a friend, and a hand full of people I haven't spoken to in years sent me wishes on my facebook wall. But all in all today felt like a funeral, many people I was around were having bad days. No celebration was planned by any of my friends, and I got one present, my grandmother sent me a card. My friends did go out to dinner with me though, five of them made the time. One of which spent the whole time hitting on another who is taken, and she spent the whole time flirting in a not-so-harmless way with him, and another of which ignored me most of the time. For the most part everyone was content to carry on their own conversations and ignore my input. The one friend who was hitting on the other picked up her meal, I covered myself, and only one friend even noticed that. Later though two of those five did spend some time with me and that was nice as unlike the time at dinner, I was not being insulted for my choice of meal, choice of other friends, and general path in life. I just don't know what to think or feel. I mean, I know that lots of people had bad days, like my parents, and I know that many people are stressed about the up coming wedding. It did mean a lot that people posted on my wall, and that my grandmother sent me a card and that my mother made me dinner, that two friends did not ignore me at dinner, and that one friend had a drink with me, but I feel neglected by everyone I plan parties for, buy presents for, and go out of my way to make smile. I don't know. I'm not trying to complain about any of this, I do go out of my way to remove my birthday so that only people who send me wishes because they want to, and not because they see a notification and feel like they should. I don't plan parties for myself or ask for things. And the stupid irony is, I wish people would do the things I do for them for me. Oh well, that's just stupid me, wishing people would do something without being asked to. It's a shame, today would be a fabulous day to end it. What more is there to life for me? Well, I got my tux for the wedding today, so I need to hang around until Saturday at the earliest... Depression sucks, especially when taken with the cold chaser of reality.