Today is not over, but I have enough to write about already, so in the interest of wasting time, I shall do so. The morning began with a decent list of things to do. I was going to shower, shave, burn some cd's, and generically get some more stuff done. I arose earlier than I had set my alarm for so it seemed like I had a good chance of getting all of these done. I started up the compy, began the burn process, and it froze. I thought it was just taking a long time to burn, so I left it alone for a few hours while I met with the person whom I was burning them for. Well, after getting back, it still has not moved, so its time to start over.
Before leaving I started writing (normally a bad idea) as I had the song "A whale of a Tale" from the old 20,000 leagues under the sea stuck in my head. So I studied the lyrics and wrote a few of my own. They are... quite offensive to be sincere, but based on my analysis of the original song, the verses are meant to hold a comedic irony that is a touch offensive. I have not yet decided if I will include my new and updated version. So I shall leave it up to the readers. Post a comment to this note and I'll edit it to include my version of the song. It is vaguely based on my life, but as the original, it is a "flapping fish tale" so everything is blown out of proportion so much that its really only as true as the names of people I stole and dated, and some minor qualities of those people, but the actions, and names have been changed to protect the innocent.
My meeting was a tad confusing, as normally when I arrange with a friend to hang out for the day that means for the day, but whatever, I've been worse than confused before. The meeting was good, my manhood was insulted as normal, but thats fine as I don't even have to bring up the counterpoint to make an insult about it. So I might write poetry and sing songs and write blogs, but I am no girl. And now with recent decisions being made about life the true test of manhood has already begun. Now, I'm off to watch a manly movie... perhaps Mulan... or Beauty and the Beast (you know I still can't spell beauty without looking it up, its sad)
So I got home, found my poor frozen computer, fixed it up, gave it some love, and nuked myself soup. The only problem with this choice was that there were no appropriately sized bowls to do so in. So I improvised... just to warn those of you who are foolish enough to follow in my footsteps, its a bad idea... While cooking the bowl ejected a potato piece right through my makeshift top... The ejected potato piece continued to ricochet around the inside of the microwave, spreading chunky soupy goodness everywhere it went. Easy to clean up, but next time, I'm using a real bowl and a real top.
SWEET THE ROBIN HOOD SONG!!!!!!
I loved that movie as a kid... and still do... that's right I admitted it. (and never before did I realize that this whole intro scene is vaguely a rip-off of the medieval Canterbury Tales depictions.)
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(below are my new lyrics, again it is in the spirit of being a fish tale, so you know how the minnow becomes a great white shark that was twenty two feet long... yeah, just about none of this actually happened, and that which did is so exaggerated and stretched out of proportion that it barely resembles more than my various funny relationship failures.)
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Blonde Butch Barbra
Read a lot of Gertrude Stein
When we'd kiss she'd say that she was always mine
When we touched I feared for my own life
Blow me down and pick me up
She already had a wife
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was mustache Sally
Seemed to have some facial hair
When we kissed I convinced myself it wasn't there
When we hugged I felt a little prick
Blow me down and pick me up, that girl she had a dick
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Big Bones Birtha
Must have been at least seven foot four
When we hugged she'd pick me up off the floor
When we'd do it, it felt a little wrong
Blow me down and pick me up, her butt was four feet long
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Short Stack Suzy
Told me that she was bipolar
When we ate I felt a little like a soldier
When our meal was finally about done
Blow me down and pick me up then she pulled out a gun
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Milk Shake Megan
She had boobs the size of beach balls
When I touched them, I could swear I thought they were false
But when I saw them I found to my delight
Blow me down and pick me up, those boobs knocked me out right
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Gothic Ginger
She had eyes just like the moon
When I saw them, I always felt I had to swoon
Just before we made love, I found to my own fright
Blow me down and pick me up, she passed out for the night
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo
There was Almost Ally
Loved her more than I could miss her
When we'd sally, I always wished that I could kiss her
In my thoughts after years she is still there
If I could make her smile the rest of her own life
Damn it all, you know what I'd do
I'd take her for my wife!
Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo!
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