A change in pace

Over the past few months I have been phasing out my old online names in favor of newer, more "professional" ones. This effort extends beyond my email into my public chat life and forum diving as well. My old persona was that of "Sigma Draconis" and my avatar was none other than that of the Draconis Combine. With the change however I have been in the process of becoming a persona who portrays my current personage and personality better. I have thusly adopted the new avatar of Red Mage as his personality and mine are... suspiciously similar...

So new best idea ever... I videotape myself in front of a green screen playing air keyboard to "foreplay longtime" by Boston... then I overlay myself playing air bass, air drums, air guitar and finally lip syncing. I could be a whole band of me, all dressed slightly differently in my own music video, and if I time and overlay it right (not too hard since its to music) I can even shoot myself looks... Yeah, that would be cool...

Now on self image: I have never considered myself "that weird guy" but the more exposure I get to people, I fear that's how I come off. The majority of women I know by rules of acquaintance (being those who do know of me, but do not know me well, the next stage is the casual friend stage before entering the various degrees of true social circle, outer, mid, inner, etc.) are completely and totally against dating me. Not even friendly casual dates. It would seem that hanging out is fine as long as it is in no way whatsoever a date. Now I know I'm not your normal guy, I majored in English rather than math, science or engineering for goodness sake. I write a blog, am working on a book, substitute teach, and want to work on video games as my true career. But does that make me truly an outsider? I am not terribly socially awkward, I can hold a civilized conversation and not drop gamer jokes, or dungeons and dragons innuendo. Yet somehow I guess by not expressing care about how others view me, and just being me, I have done something wrong. I'm like that guy that everyone says they know, everyone knows of, and people generically like, but others really don't reach out to me, rather I have to reach out to them. The same goes for many of my personal relationships though, I guess the best way to see if others care about you is if they will seek you out and make the time to spend with you. I spent most of high school doing favors in return for favors that I would never cash in. Thus by graduation, half my class knew me and owed me, but would these people ever repay the favor? My guess is no, just as many in college owe me, or thank me for my help, if asked to help me I doubt they would go out of their way. This view is quite cynical and dark, but it makes me all the more thankful for my true friends, and for my readers who go out of their way to give me time in their days. Thanks guys, you mean a lot to me, even though most of you are secret stalkers, I still appreciated your time.