The Shat

Somehow movies just get better when William Shatner is in them. Just caught Fan Boys, and have to say its really quite a funny movie. Going into it I feared for the worst, but the celebrity cameos were perfect. Leia, Lando, Shatner... Great. Definitely gonna actually go see it in the theaters when it comes out... Woah, Kirk has his own website... Reminds me of this guy...

I'm finding myself getting more and more lazy with posting, as I'm sure you have noticed. I still have lots to say, but keep writing myself mental notes to get back to writing it later, and by the time I'm here writing, I cant remember. Oh well, must not have been important anyways right...

My prayer:

For the better half of the last two years it has been my prayer to learn to love like God loves. This process however has been painful and depressing at best. More recently though, my prayer has been to have this lesson removed, from this experience I learned that it hurt too much. But now I feel callous and cold, but no longer in pain.

READ between THE LInES

Never forget that I write lies to tell you the truth. Never take what I say as truth, nor should you take it as lies. What I write is deceiving and misdirecting, but it is true... from a certain prospective. Granted, even if that perspective is from Bizarro world and would then in this one be a blatant lie...

Speaking of which, my last post may or may not have been true, take everything with a grain of salt. That or there are two other options. I could just be in denial. Or it is also possible that this has happened enough that it does not hurt any more.

Now on to the mid-day report. I cut my hair, spent the past few days killing bees with a katana (which spell check does not recognize as a word) and doing other various useless things. I have lost 6 pounds since school ended, and I can either attribute that to eating better, depression, or atrophy. I bit my lip really hard on accident and got a huge blister from it which I decided to surgically remove, the surgery went well, I was able to successfully remove my own appendix and install a second heart. Good times! Oh, I also finally upgraded my home network to run off my home power system, so now I the internets live on my computer at electron speed (which is slower than photon speed which they were on earlier, but this is faster and more stable somehow...)

On an entirely unrelated note, I think this was one of the best decisions the band has ever made, and they did a good job.

The way we were

So, business as usual, I jumped, hit a dry and jagged rock bottom, but this time I plan to bounce. I will not rant and complain as I normally do, nor will I find solace in a bottle. Time to move on with life, or in this case, keep going. Need to find a job, and at some point a wife, or at least someone who will not condemn me for simply being who I am. I may not be as smart, as strong, or as good looking as those other guys, but I am better in every way. The secret to my success: I let my passions run like rivers through the sky... and mainly because I want to be better, better in every way.

The search for WMD's... and other stuff

As it has been five days since my last post, this one will cover that time frame, so if you have a short attention span I recommend you tie yourself to your chair.

Starting my writing lapse the resident rodent died. Her name was Cinderella (I finally named one in a nerdy way, in latin that means little ash) she was an ash-gray hamster, and a nice one at that. She had been getting slower in her age, and I was the last one she peaked out at before curling up in her little wicker hut for the last time. This was sad, she was a good hamster, but not that sad as she was... probably the sixth one in succession here at this house. As the tradition seems to suggest, the next step was to get a new one. She was my sister's so this time my brother went to get one... Well... he came back with two. He got two miniature Chinese dwarf hamsters (possibly twin brothers) as they are larger than normal dwarf hamsters, but still technically a breed of dwarfs (so close to being miniature giant space hamsters... I'll keep hoping). Now it is time for the ceremony of naming, where everyone in the house starts calling them different things until the rest accept one and go with it. The current running holds "Drake and Josh" by my sister, "Mike and Spike" by my brother and "Dwalin and Balin" of course by me as they are both dwarfs and brothers (read The Hobbit... or watch it, it's on its way).

A good deal of my nights these past few days have been spent playing "The Last Remnant" which is an interesting game. It's not great, but its not bad. It kinda reminds me of what I would envision a modern version of Chrono Trigger or Final Fantasy Mystic Quest would be like. It's got some problems (like the ability to permanently miss quests and items if you're not careful, and battle damage is way too high as battles can be decided in a single turn) but is otherwise good enough to keep playing.

Oh, found this, its funny.

Another thing I've been doing in my spare time is generic physical labor around the neighborhood. I feel like Hercules and his labors as I'm doing similar stuff (well except for the lion) (... and yes my butt does look like chiseled stone thank you very much). I've been power washing houses (that's like redirecting a river to clean a stables right?) and other outdoor cleaning activities since my dear mother has told the neighbors that I need a job. Well, thanks mom, but I need a career, not to earn a measly hourly wage while doing dangerous things on a roof without insurance...

Getting more recent, I felt manly the other day. I changed my oil... Err.. the oil in my car, by hand (with some help from a man-friend). I've changed oil before, but never on my own girl. It was going well, we found the plug screw and she drained like a champ (except for totally soaking my whole arm) then the job was to find and replace the filter. Seemed easy enough, there was one right next to the oil pan off to the side of the engine block. Started unscrewing it and wouldn't you know it, my car started bleeding profusely. So... now I know where the transmission fluid filter is! As it turns out the oil filter is up under the right wheel axle behind the coolant tank and next to the valve train... After cutting myself and my friend several times, I broke off the sharp jagged knife like piece of broken plastic that was in our way, sending bits of metal and plastic flying in all directions... I don't know what that was supposed to do or be... but it's gone now. That was all good except of course being located where it is made it nearly impossible to reach by hand, and on top of that it was tightened with super-human strength. It took many long minutes of me grumbling to muster my own super-human strength and get the dang thing off. Who would design something that way, seriously.

On sunday I received the pen of legacy... Well, a set of pens that my grandfather gave to my father when he graduated, and go back further than that. I got a nice fountain pen that my dad has only ever used to buy houses and sign marriage contracts... So this means I need to use it before my sister beats me to getting married...

But speaking of marriage, now I can finally transition to the topic of the post. My hunt for WMD's. See, recently I have begun a quest to find WMD's in a hostile land. They seem to be hidden from me, but I am sure they exist. I just may have to turn over every rock and look in every cave before I find them though. See, women of my dreams, or WMD's as I like to call them, only reside in public, and being women, reside in a hostile and barbaric state. I may be eaten, I may loose a limb, I have already admitted to loosing my balls (yes I have lots of balls, or so I've been told) to one in the past, but I shall not fail. I know that a WMD exists somewhere out there, I just need to cornice the senate of voices in my head to continue the campaign to find them... But luckily, after talking it over with my sister (I spent all of last night driving her back to college) she agrees with my current direction, and for her own personal self-centered reasons fully endorses my planned course of action. Also from this, I have learned that SHE is single... yes... that is a TLA as well (three letter acronym), but I'm not telling you what it stands for...

Foiled again

Well, as it turns out I had my map wrong and there was no bridge to be found where I thought it was. But next week I'll make sure to get it right. Note to self, reading GPS coordinates in minutes and seconds does not mean that I should subtract them from the actual time to get my position...

But in an even more abstract and yet down-to-earth topic, last night I had a dream that I went to a pawn shop and bought not only a rocker red electric guitar, but also a real life batmobile. I woke up whilst cursing around the neighborhood in my batmobile. See, even in my dreams I'M BATMAN! Now back to the regularly scheduled parts of my day.

Lesson of the day: Sometimes the only way to win is to cheat (ask Kirk, he knows).

What..? No.

(Spoiler Warning... yet again. Relevant topic: House MD)

So I just finished watching the most recent episode of House (yeah so I admit its a good show) and I'm mad. How is it they killed off Kumar... er I mean Kutner. Totally not cool. I liked his character. I mean seriously, the show now lacks a person who can make geeky nerdy pop culture references. Bah.

(End Spoiler, you are now free to move about the cabin)

I've been productive lately, cleaning things up, packing a bit (getting ready to move out kinda... mom's been giving me stuff for this purpose as well, not that I have a job or a place to go) applying for jobs. Productive. Now if only I had a direction to start running in... Its funny, see. I have no idea where I want to end up. I think I've finally accepted that I can't use my degree in any job I ever get. I was discussing this fear with mom when she brought to mind a quote from the Bill Murry movie Groundhog day (great movie),
"Rita: It's about a million miles from where I started in college.
Phil: You weren't in broadcasting or journalism?
Rita: Believe it or not, I studied 19th-century French poetry.
Phil: What a waste of time! I mean, for someone else that would be an incredible waste of time. So bold of you to choose that."
But seriously, where can I apply years of analysis and study in both qualitative and quantitative historical, canonical, and even social study focused on knights, dragons, and fairy tales... Applicable to every day life and everything... Id Est: Nothing. It was like studying how people think and express themselves, and how they explain the world around themselves and that which they do not have the capacity to explain in the words and modes they do have. But now what is that worth, it was fun, fascinating, and hard, but seems to be a negative point rather than a positive one. Specialization in industry is a good thing, specializing in a thing which no one knows or cares about, not so good...

Related and unrelated to all parts of this post I want to argue for my perception being reality. I think it is normal for people to feel depressed from time to time, and normal for them to calculate their own self worth. I have pondered suicide several times seriously, and honestly that is why I leave my keys on the kitchen table when ever I get home (my trigger lock key is on my keyring). I, like I think most people do, go through some dark hours, and must prevent myself from doing something that I would not normally do. Granted I don't lock up my knives and swords, but I don't seriously believe I'd perform seppuku, as the quick painless solution sounds more pleasant. It may sound strange for me to bring this topic up at all, most people either dope themselves up on anti depressants to get through their own miserable days or grow up thinking that only the mentally ill even consider such things. Well, I'm not saying that I'm totally mentally stable, or even normal at all, but if we as a society accept that life can in fact suck and people can in fact hurt themselves, then maybe we would be nicer to each other since we can in fact help or hurt the mental health of others. I know that I don't generally help in this regard (I'm quite the mental narcissist if you have not yet realized this) as I despise fools, make it a point to have no official best friend, and intentionally try to be difficult at times. That and one of my mantras is now "If you think I am lying to you, I'm probably telling you the truth, because if I were lying to you, you probably wouldn't know it." So take this with a grain of salt, but know I ache every day, and I'm sure that most people do too, so be kind to them, you can't ever really know fully what they are going through. (person belief: the most frustrating thing about people is that they will never be rational, rather they will always do what seems rational in their own mind based on their current circumstances which will probably not make any rational sense to any one else who is not in their shoes)

Tomorrow I plan to jump off a bridge to see if I can fly. Wish me luck! See, if fate has anything to say about it, what will be will be, which is good right. So even if I fall to my death, it was meant to be, I'll just have to get up, dust myself off, and go find another bridge to try to fly off of. Persistence, the only true way to prove to yourself that you are indeed a failure. And as far as it goes, I seem to fail hardest when it comes to, well you know.


Now to get serious, on to the first order of business... where's my hat?

Interlude

Ever have one of those days when you wake up and just feel like it's going to be a bad day? You know, when you are in a bad mood for no good reason and it's really not a bad day... Just asking. I've got a bunch of non-related stuff to talk about today, so for your viewing pleasure, try to keep up.

Firs I come to the significance of the day... that is, the day after easter. On easter I read a good many facebook posts that questioned the origins and significances of the day. Many of the suppositions were dreadfully wrong (sorry, Americans did not invent easter) and others were reasonably far off. So to start I wanted to set some things straight. There is a reason that bunnies and eggs are connected to easter, and that it falls in the time of year that it does. Easter is a complicated day to calculate calendar wise as it moves around (the first sunday following the full moon after passover or some such similar method). The human ritual class I took equated easter to what was at one time a Norse fertility holiday based on the phases of the moon (as most norse times of year are either based on the phases of the sun or moon). The fertility link ties in eggs and bunnies quite well (think about it) and like many things pagan, got absorbed and replaced by a Christianized event (resurrection of Christ).

Irony of Easter: In my vast and varied studies of human folk practices I came across a great irony that I'm surprised I have never heard brought up. I'm gonna get a bit religious here for a sec, forgive me. So crucifixion was theoretically invented around 600bc by northern Mediterranean peoples as a means of sacrifice. Originally intended to please the gods of the harvest (possible practices directed to a proto-ceres deity) for "good luck" in the harvest year to come. The person chosen for crucifixion was normally a young male or female virgin (as the sacrifice had to be pure to please the gods) and although it was an honor to be the sacrifice it was also a curse. The sacrifice, in a sense, gave up their life (unknown if this was fully willingly) for the greater good of the population. Originally crucifixion would bind (possibly with ropes before nails) the sacrifice to a crossed timber (note the word cruc, crux which is latin for cross or X) above the ground. The person would be bound there alive until they died of exposure to the elements which normally took place within a week's time (possibly death from dehydration first, its hard to tell for reasons that I'll explain next). The sacrificed person was considered cursed, and was not to be touched, spoken to, or even handled in any way as they were given up to satisfy the wrath of the gods. The person would die and decompose on the spot, undisturbed by others. One of the main reasons the person was seen as cursed was because in not being handled, they were never properly buried. Mediterranean culture, even in the early bronze and pre-bronze stages, held a strong belief that if one was not properly buried or immolated, they would not properly reach the afterlife. So all this being taken into account, its perfectly suitable that Jesus died on a cross to cover the sins of mankind based on the original use and tradition that the cross held (the word excruciating was invented by the romans to explain the level of pain a person went through while on the cross). So there you have it, a sermon found in the folklore of the past that applies to the purposes of a modern re-written pagan holiday. Cool huh.

In the news lately there have been some interesting happenings. I will only focus on the funny ones that teach good morals though as I am not some trashy Internet columnist. First we have a story about Woody Harrelson. The moral of this story is: when in doubt, remember that zombies can be anywhere and anyone, even photographers disguised as popperatzi, so never let your guard down. Better safe than sorry right?

The second breaking news story concerns a man we all know and love. Aside from being on the hit list for Scientology, he recently appeared in the news under these circumstances. The moral of this story is, if your famous, prostitutes cost more, a lot more. So, don't get famous...

But now back to serous-ish stuff. The question has been on my mind lately about taking action. Namely, to act or not to act, that is the question. Simply put, although waiting for everything to be right in every way is not laziness and takes effort, there is something to living by faith and knowing you're not totally ready for what is coming. I'm thinking on this currently and shall continue...

I hate you too

While in college I learned a lot about medieval chronological recording processes. It was not uncommon for a person to back-edit official records in order to fix mistakes they had made or even to claim legitimacy or ownership due to a longer standing claim. Well, I had some exciting news, I had applied for an A/V technician job that I actually met the requirements for... But then... As I sat here all week awaiting a reply I wondered why I wasn't called immediately. See, the job had about five requirements, all of which quite odd in combination with one another. For example, how many audio technicians do you know who have degrees, and have clearances? My bet would be none (except for me) because if you have a clearance why are you doing AV work, and if you're doing AV work why would you get a clearance? Well, I was super excited about this job thing since I was certain that the chances of someone else fulfilling the requirements as well as I did were slim to none... Well... I went back online to see if the job was still open and guess what I found. Back-editing at its best. The job is now an A/V engineering job, which requires audio-video feed integrations and sampling experience, experience with integrated design processes, and a whole bunch more "technical" stuff what it didn't before. So what probably happened was, they got my resume, said to themselves "wow this kid totally meets our requirements, but totally is not what we were looking for, we should re-write the requirements and not tell him we were being stupid and asking for the wrong thing." Sorry, I know it's not their fault that I got my hopes up since I found a job that was near by, sounded interesting, and I met the requirements for and would probably be paid well for... oh wait... it is. Well... I guess I'd feel better if they would have contacted me and said something like "oops, our bad" but instead I waited all week excited for nothing. This sounds familiar, like all those times I spent time getting to know a girl, just to ask her out a week after she starts dating some other jerk who ends up hurting her and leaving her by which time my window of opportunity is gone. Yeah, I did just relate jobs to women, what of it, life is unfair, deal with it, my way of coping is complaining to you so Bleah!

Yesterday

Aside from the obvious Beatles reference (which I almost sang here for you live in audio text format) this post refers to the day that would not be today, nor any other day which was not the day which proceeded this one. It was a good day, a genuinely good day (except for this (see yesterday's post about turning games into movies)) I got to spend some quality time with a quality babe, and felt generally productive. Unfortunately after spending my quality time with a quality babe, I was questioned about it loudly by a friend. So, being the jerk that I am I avoided the questions and loudly responded things prolonging the conversation beyond what it should have existed within. This prolongation continued until by complete accident and random chance and freak coincidence she happened to be nearby (after having left and gone to another place for over half an hour) and overhear us talking about what was obviously her. Not only did she overhear, but noticed me, recognized my voice, and called out to me (turns out the freak occurrence was she was right in front of us). Yeah... Not positive she knew we were talking about her and how I am enjoying our time talking (feels like talking to an old friend I never knew... and has the added bonus of somehow allowing me to completely forget my daily emotional pains and my troubled relationship history... oh, and she may be reading this right now, I really don't know who does) but it would have been hard to A. not hear us, and B. not realize that after my last loud shout of "We even talked about our favorite cookies" I think its pretty certain that now would be as good a time as any to learn to keep my mouth shut about other people, and my time spent with them, and even when asked and revert to my new and patented plan "The David Model." "The David Model" is simple, lie all the time about everything to everyone AND never tell the same lie twice. See, that way no one ever feels cheated more than anyone else since you lie to all of them. In fact, they may even find the amusement in the fact that your lies were so creative and different if they compare with others. See, the purpose is not to hurt others, but to save them from hurting themselves. Knowledge being power, and people being stupid, its better if only the smart people (those who use the patented "The David Model" sold for 19.95 anywhere BS is sold) keep the real knowledge, and let the others play with the fake knowledge. I ended the day playing the Oregon Trail II. Awesome game, awesome time. No other game can bring a room together in celebration and suspense as that one can. I first got mauled by a bear, then bled out for three months, then shot myself to death (the game said it was a hunting accident, but morale was low so I wonder about that) if you don't have the game, GET IT NOW!

ACK!

Well, while surfing the interwebs for newly uploaded stuff I came across this. As I suspected it was one of these, but I still hate IGN with a burning passion. They almost gave me a heart attack, I mean seriously, as cool as it would be, I don't think you can make games that classic into movies and get away with it. Mario tried that and we all remember how bad that went (if you don't, go here and be sure you prepare your preferred means of suicide to be ready for when the movie is over). Ugh.

But it's okay, everything will be alright. There is still some good, decent, and beautiful stuff left in the world. For example, I was overjoyed to find that one of the Sorian AI I was fighting named its Colossus Fir Bolg. It makes me glad that someone other than me knows things like that. It also named its Monkeylord Shelob... :)

Well, I must admit that as of recent I've been omitting, redacting and otherwise lying to you more often than normal. Life's been getting tougher, but faint rays of hope glint and glimmer through the dark cloudy sky. I've still been on a job hunt, found a few I actually meet the requirements for (no one wants english majors :'(...). But if things work out I'll more than double the average starting salary of an English major right out of college. Keep your fingers crossed!

...

Captain's log, supplemental: Well, I'm awake, and I have run out of interesting things to do, so I suppose writing can tide me over for a bit. I found under my pile of papers I call a desk, a box of half full girl-scout cookies, thin mint to be exact, and quickly made them empty. But now, I am getting heartburn, so I'm thinking about getting some tums. I know this train of thought really is not interesting to you, but maybe it will be if I ramble long enough. So here's a deep philosophical question for you, what do you do when...? That's right, it sounds incomplete. The reason for that is, because it is. I have several things I don't want to think about and issues I am avoiding specifically. I think I can sum up my problems with the umbrella term "women." Now although I'm being overly technical, I believe this term encapsulates the basic essence of my problem. So... if I'm not allowed by law to kill one of them, or all of them for that matter, and they seem to choose to insult me in every way at every turn, my only logical recourse being to whine and sob as I cry myself to sleep and write bad internet literature, then what is the proper choice of action for me to take? There is one I trust, but what I trust is that she lies to me. The others smile, some promise to be kind, but in the end I am here alone in the dark. I guess I'll just have to accept that I am either incredibly boring, or a terrible person, or really ugly, or just so cool that they can't but fight over me which is why I always go on dates where they don't show up, because they stalk me and fight each other for me and in the end kill each other off. It would make perfect sense as more often than not they never contact me again (which makes sense as dead people really can't send emails or texts) nor do they go over what they were doing when we were supposed to be meeting (it makes sense that they wouldn't want to show the weakness of admitting to being jumped by crazed David fans). I was thinking that I'd have to give in and accept that I'm a bad person, but I like the thought of being so cool that people fight over me better... yes... Sorry ladies, but if you train real hard, maybe you can be strong enough to make it to more than one date with me. And if you need help, I'd love to teach you some Jiu-Jitsu... I'll be waiting.

;)


Ahhh, sweet sweet awesome.

Closure

Well, I finally did it, I closed my e-harmony account for good. I was surprised at how there were three conformation screens to do so, and how the pages kept saying things like "you are important to us" and "if this is not working click on help to fix your profile to properly find someone." Yeah right well. See, being an English major (with a big ego) I am fairly certain that I portrayed myself in writing just about as well as I chose to. If that means I chose failure because no one at all in the world was both interested in my personality test results, hobbies, and profile information than so be it. It makes me sad, but is liberating to know that now I'll only get rejected my normal amount in person on a roughly bimonthly basis (one month to get to know a girl and ask her out, and the next to stop sulking after she stops talking to me forever). But at least there too there is closure, for by never again talking to a person I can easily dismiss it as their loss due to stupidity or choice or both. Not that I am the best catch in the world (I'm broke, whiny, and a mentally self obsessed egoist with delusions of grandeur) but I am willing to try and to keep trying, which takes a lot of effort and seems to be a quality most people lack. I give forgiveness because I need forgiveness. Relationships are like war, no matter who is truly right, you are both guilty of bloodshed, violating the Geneva convention, and possibly using chemical weapons with the possibility of being in possession of WMD's. Oh well, its now done and it's up to my sorry ass to find myself a woman who will put up with me.

Jerks.

The Curse of Cursive

curro, currere - to run

ergo: cursive - writing that "runs" togeather

It came to my attention recently (while going over my brother's school work) that elementary school teachers seem to use cursive to write notes to parents more than any one else. I remember learning cursive towards the end of elementary school, they told us that we would have to use it in middle and high school (lies). However not only was it rarely used, but also rarely appears in the corporate or college world. I suppose some people use it as a preference, and perhaps since the writing utensil is only lifted between words, it may be faster to write in cursive. But, it is my suspicion that cursive is little more than a code, a way for elementary school teachers to write notes to parents that the students A. cant read, and B. cant forge. The rough hand coordination and motor skills of a young child could maybe trace or copy simple straight lines such as normal writing provides, but would be hard pressed to finesse a cursive curve. Why even have two styles of writing the same language? It makes no practical sense.

The words I write are lies, if you believe what you read, then you should stop. So I pose a question, can you understand me, can you know me by reading my lies?

In truth I feel more delusional each day. With little sleep (as I often get) my imagination runs wild, I have waking dreams, flashes of inspiration, and false or fleeting memories. I think things have been getting worse though, life changes when you get out of college and are no longer surrounded by a bubble of people who have goals. Now here I sit, looking for a job, looking for a relationship (just got a "would rather not say" reason for closed communication on e-scamony), by myself as it goes day by day. During the day I laugh and joke about my relationships, but at night I walk and think, and I am alone. Such things are less funny when the weights of the day are on your shoulders and there is no one to talk to about them. I laugh because I find it funny how a "terrible person" such as myself has these relationship problems. There are plenty of... less than desirable... people out there who have no problem with relationships other than their own shortsighted downfalls. I guess I just think too much, and for that sin, must be eternally punished by being forced to be alone and have the time to think too much... shoot...

Anyone willing to save me?.. I didn't think so...

Hehehe...Wolverine...

!!!!!SPOILER BELOW!!!!!


Well, I just finished watching a pre-post production screening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Hehehe (it comes out next month). It was good, much better than the teaser commercials lead us to believe. It, like all other x-men movies, took some liberty with a couple of the specifics (YURIKO!!!! Where did you go? Chick at the end maybe?) but did a relatively decent job of telling a story. I suppose this, like other movies that were not written to be movies (games, cough, comics, cough) must be taken within the context of its own story, and as far as telling a story goes, it does a fairly decent job. I give it a 7/10 as far as movies go. Gambit was in it, as was Jean-Luc, oh and Van was in it too. I regret that the movie did not go over Team X or wolverine's bout with Captain America, but it was good.



(hint: stick around after the credits for an extra tidbit)

Inside

For those of you who may be new to my freedonia, let me let you in on a running joke. The vast majority of my drinking references are in play and response to at one time being called a raging alcoholic by my mother (who had noticed that I had consumed a total of two shots within a span of three days). If you know me in person then you know that my drinking habits can be considered conservative at their worst.

Another long standing inside joke (I suppose) is my stance on the feral sex (yes, feral rather than fairer, it was intentional). Myself being rationally irrational, and them often being irrationally irrational really do not mix well. So my own misunderstandings and misreadings become jokes as they can often be turned into good stories.

The last true joke would have to be my life. If one cannot laugh at themselves then they will be missing out on lots of laughter. An English major who can't spell, dislikes reading, and whose handwriting is illegible if not barely within the realm of proper grammar, punctuation and word order. I personally think this makes a great launchpad for jokes.

Hunting the Monster

Okay, so it's been a while since my last post. But this time I have a good excuse (no more viable than any other excuse really, but at least this one is true). I have spent an excessive amount of time in the past week looking for a "real" job. This means updating my monster and linkedin accounts with all the appropriate current information on myself. It also means browsing hundreds of local jobs, and the various requirements that they have. Apparently most people I talk to seem to think that since I got a degree in English that my career goal is to either become a teacher or a secretary... This angers me greatly. Far too many conversations with people that concern them bringing up the fact that they have an open secretary position... But it's time for me to grow up and get a real job. So as you can see the mix of working and looking takes up some time, as does the profuse amount of drinking in between.

On an unrelated note I have now received over 10 eharmony closed relationship requests... about one every other day, so maybe closer to 20... Good times. I'm starting to think its all a big waste of my time. One girl closed communications because "I didn't respond to her when she requested to communicate with me" which is a load of BS as I never received a request. Even more encouraging though was one that closed the other day who said "personal statements about my self were offensive." But these stand out as the rest are all "reason: other." Good times.

Well, happy pranking to you, you will get none of that from me as I am a boring and overly serious person.


... I remember when I had hair like that... :'(