College graduation seems to be what is on people's minds this time of year. And since I am against going with the flow and doing what others do, I too will write about it. "But that does not make sense" you may think to yourself, "Dave, if you pride yourself on being different, why do what others do?" My answer is simple, I am a paradox wrapped in an enigma, hidden under a pepperoni that gently rests on a pizza which is sitting on your dinner table right now.
I "walked" one year ago, but didn't end up going. There was a problem. See I had something like ten people who wanted to come, all of whom are equally important to me, and the college would only let me bring four people. So this was problem one. Problem two was that a councilor lied to me about credits from classes I took while I was in for academic advising my sophomore year. This lead to me taking more credits than I needed for graduation, almost a whole semester more... that all did not count towards my graduation... So I had to return for two classes and an extra semester. Robbed of my money and stripped of my pride, I opted to just get my diploma sent to me by mail. I also decided to not go to the general graduation.
I plan to get my masters and doctorate by simply being awarded them honorarily through my great works, stunning good looks, lovable personality and huge consumer fan base. At that point I shall retire from the world and take on the mantle of the rockstar. Id est: buy a house so big that I can't possibly fill it with all of my crazy expensive pets, go out to eat where I can drop a grand on the meal in under an hour (and I eat slow) and get scandalous pictures taken of me in suggestive positions at sea world. It's gonna be great.
But until then I'll be what I am, on my island. But I'll have fun with what I can. I guess this just means that I get an extension to my vacation from work and women... And seeing it from that perspective makes it sound not half bad.
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