Creepy

I always feel like I come off as a creeper. You know, those weird guys who have already graduated but still stick around campus and hit on the college girls... Granted, I don't hit on the college girls, but I don't think the baldness helps. It's odd, sometimes I'll send a message or make a comment that could be easily misread (having extensively studied language, its easy to pinpoint the questionable and multi-faceted interpretations of the written word) but then it turns out alright. It's hard, neigh, impossible to get across the proper emotion in text or email. How does one just say a friendly "hi" when no one except me does that. Oh well, on to the blogging!

Today I found out that another person semi close to me passed away. This affected several people I know deeply. More grieving, its tough. The shoulder I normally have to lean on has been absent and I don't want to impose, but I need a larger group of emotional supporters, as last night I just about lost it. It's hard to come to the point of trusting someone enough to let them help you. Doing such a thing requires you to first level with them about where you are, and then live with them either doing what they can to help you, or not, both wise placing an emotional, and occasionally temporal burden on them. But such things should be mutual, and they are not.

In other happenings, I have been curious and confused about a person who may or may not read my blog, so writing about it may be counter productive, but then again I do try to only lie to you, dear reader, directly about my life. I have been getting to know a fine young lady quite well, and feel that I may be something of a focal point of her attention. We talk almost daily, which is odd, but not within the realm of unusual for friends to do. I suppose that since I often scare away girls by one means or another, her interest to keep close ties makes me suspicious. There are only a hand full (not even as the number does not fill the hand) of ladies who I regularly associate with and who choose to associate with me. These mostly include the girl-halves of guys I know, and this one girl who dumped me years ago (my hope is for those of you who do know me well, that you will see the sarcasm bleeding off the page and forming a rather large puddle on your keyboard about now... Here's where you laugh... Go!). I will have to be cautious with this one, as to not push her away before knowing the intentions. Again it is odd to me to be in such close contact with a person, especially one who I have not known very long in the grand scheme of things. If I probe though it could throw into question the friendship, or kill attraction, or both if either are present. It's hard to say. I think I'll just be myself (the nice me, not the neurotic OCD one who writes these) and see what the next moves she makes are as to try and determine her trajectory in my life. I bring it up because she enjoys talking to me (I only know of two girls who like talking to me all the time, and one is my mother... at least, I think she likes talking to me... that may be a bit presumptuous on my part but let's pretend for a minute its true.), she contacts me almost daily (again, only two still) and she seems to look up to me and have respect for me (and then there were none (well, okay, maybe one has respect for me still, but one of my special talents is loosing respect)). Bah, well I suppose writing about it to a mute audience will only benefit me as much as it lets me see what I am thinking (you'd think I'd be privy to that knowledge...)

And here's where I call that person out (if she in fact does read my blog, and hey, perhaps this will clear things up... or start a huge fight... well if you read this then you know I over think everything, so please cut me some slack in regards to this) as I wish you, merry reader, to sleep sweet tonight.