Already

Wow, it's only the second full day I've been on e-harmony and the first communication I get from a person is one telling me that one of my potential matches is not interested in me and has chosen to end all potential contact between us. At first it had told me that someone had sent me a message, but it turns out that the message was the notification that I have been rejected by them... and we hadn't even spoken once... This is starting to remind me of real life... I'd have thought that people as desperate as I would not be so quick to judge as they are in the normal every day life outside of internet dating... I guess I was wrong.

Sometimes I wonder why things are this way. It's like fate has decreed that no one can care about me. I have done lots of reading and it's not like I sabotage myself at any step along the way. I do not communicate poorly or send mixed signals. I am not impolite, lying about who I am, or truly boring. This scares me. It scares me because I have been on a lot of first dates, and met a lot of women, and somehow have roughly a 90% failure rate of achieving a second date, and maybe a 35% chance of being stood up all together on that first date. So what does this mean? If I choose to believe in fate then I can hope it means I'm not allowed to settle for someone who is not the one for me, I'm just being... directed... in such a way that the one who I am supposed to be with will be different. I also worry because there is one girl who does care for me, granted it is only out of shame that no one else will, and we have a very rocky road, both past and future. It's hard to not think about her in times like this. She may be a dick sometimes, but she gave me a chance, and hasn't fully given up on me yet. And even though she has mostly given up one me, the fact that its not fully means a lot. As I said last time, I seem now to have a large number of female friends, but I only have two sisters. But who knows, I may yet meet the person of my dreams who also cares about me...

...How heartbreaking it is to live in a land where dreaming is forbidden and wishes do not come true...

But I am young, which means that my chances will only go down hill from here. And based on my past success rate, that means I should have a mathematically theoretical chance of meeting someone who is also interested in me by... one sec, let me do the calculations... carry the five... take the square root... over pi... and the delta t for age... Ah, the year 4124... Hmmm... not exactly what I was looking for... Stupid statistics and their temporal quarterly compounding...

Well, I'm off to a Caps game with some of my female friends... Ill recall it when I get back.

Have a good day my readers!

P.S. Thanks skye for being a loyal reader and responder to this dull blog. You're not so bad, even though you left me out in the cold yesterday.