The Exception [EDITED]

For the past three weeks I have been meeting with a nice young lady around lunch time. I believe I have spoken about her before, and here I will again. The best description I can come up with is that it's odd how we get along. When we meet I feel like we are two old friends, even though we have never really known each other at all. We have nice simple conversations where I don't feel like either of us dominates the floor, and each seems to agree with the other generally. It's odd really... Well, okay, so first it's odd that she seems interested to talk with me (that's down right exceptional) and second that somehow it just feels natural.

One friend recently put it, "You (I) go on lots of first and second dates, but never any third dates." This is sadly quite true. With my new found ample self-examination-time I have been doing lots of self-psychoanalytical retrospection. I think that if I really wanted to, I could go on more third dates, but if it's not one thing its another and something in me chooses not to. First I rarely find a person interesting and worthy enough to spend such time and money on. But I think mainly my problem is fear. I long for someone to care about me, like to actually care about my thoughts and feelings and well being beyond the love that friends bring. But, I'm afraid of opening myself up to that. In the past my pessimism and negativity towards women has been linked (and quite fairly) to a [OMITTED]. And after much thought, I sadly have to [OMITTED]. I am afraid to [OMITTED] into [OMITTED] real [OMITTED] because I am [OMITTED] of opening up and being [OMITTED]. I won't go into too much detail, but [OMITTED], [OMITTED], [OMITTED]. I [OMITTED] her. I saw [OMITTED] [OMITTED] time with this [OMITTED] [OMITTED] and [OMITTED] her on [OMITTED], and she [OMITTED] [OMITTED] [OMITTED] was not [OMITTED] and [OMITTED]. Well, [OMITTED], she [OMITTED], but [OMITTED]... Which of course was [OMITTED]. I was [OMITTED], and in fact [OMITTED] [OMITTED]. In [OMITTED] months I [OMITTED] but the show had to go [OMITTED], so my [OMITTED] suffered and I [OMITTED] my life. So now that story time is over, that is my deep irrational fear. Lessons are best learned through failure and pain, but sometimes what the lessons teach is not good to learn and believe. I wrote this because several have asked how I became this way, and from my point of view, though it is watered down and facts have been omitted and names changed to protect the innocent, that is that. So tell [OMITTED] that is the reason, as I know you asked the all important question of "why" and her companion through the ages "how".